What is Parental Burnout? By Kathleen Chandler, LMSW, PMH-C

Parental burnout is the emotional, physical, mental, and spiritual exhaustion from the ongoing demands and chronic stress of parenting. A lot of parents are feeling burnout right now! It is, after all, an incredibly overwhelming and challenging time to be a parent in the USA; two plus years of a pandemic, gun violence, formula shortages, natural disasters, war, and partisan politics. If you are feeling stressed, overwhelmed, and burned out right now; allow yourself permission to feel that way. You are not alone!

We are not our best selves when we are feeling overwhelmed and stressed out. As parents, it is important for us to practice self-soothing. First, because it is in your best interest; nobody feels good when they are overstimulated and overburdened. Second, because we want to model self-soothing for our children. We are our children’s calm; we need to be able to help them soothe.

Are you able to call a friend to vent? Can you schedule time away from your children to re-energize? Some of us have more support than others; don’t be afraid to ask for help from those you do have in your circle.

Many people cope by scrolling, overworking, shopping, or drinking alcohol. These are ways we escape having to feel. However, those coping strategies most often leave us feeling worse and they are not sustainable. Before you snap and yell at your child, go inward, toward yourself, and practice self-soothing.

If you are unable to use your support system and schedule some time away, you can use TIPP to help self-regulate:

Temperature: Cooling your body down can emotionally "cool" you down too. Place an Ice cube on the back of your neck or run cold water over your wrists.

Intense Exercise: Increased oxygen and endorphins help decrease stress chemicals. Go run up and down your stairs several times!

Deep Breathing: Increased oxygen activates our parasympathetic (calming) nervous system. Practice Square Breathing: Inhale for four, hold for four, exhale for four, hold for four. Repeat as necessary.

Paired Muscle Relaxation: The body responds to stress with muscle tension. PMR helps release the tension and thus reduces stress in the body.

If you are feeling inundated with chronic stress and constantly triggered, I encourage you to reach out to a therapist at Niyyah Counseling today! All our therapists are qualified to help you meet your mental health goals. Click here to check out our therapists: https://www.niyyahcounselingpllc.com/our-team. Feel free to reach out and interview our therapists to find the right fit for you! We offer free 15-minute consultations for your convenience.

Warning Signs of Depression in Adolescence By Amanda Young LCSW

Adolescence is a difficult time for teenagers and parents. Teenagers Often times, teenagers go through a lot of changes with their bodies, emotionally and mentally but not certain how they are feeling.  Teenagers are seen as moody individuals which can be seen as normal due to puberty. They are sometimes snippy in their responses, pulling away from their parents, rebellious, a poor attitude and can be completely isolative/or shut down. Sometimes mood changes can be a normal part of adolescence but mood changes can be a precursor of depression.

The two types of depression that  are often diagnosed in teenagers. Major depressive disorders and Persistent Depressive Disorder which was formerly known as Dysthymia. Major depressive disorder is when a child has symptoms of depression for more than two weeks, Persistent Depressive Disorder is milder but can last for more than 2 years. Depression can cause sadness, feelings of emptiness, lack of interest and enjoyment, lack of motivation, low energy, isolation and problems with concentration, it can have a negative impact on relationships and school. This in turn, can cause low self esteem which can further bring their mood down. 

It is normal for teenagers to have ups and downs but depression is a serious mental health issue that can lead to other serious issues. Untreated depression can be devastating to a teen’s emotional, mental and physical health. Changes in teenagers might get overlooked or passed off as a teenager being a teenager but when it starts to impact their level of functioning or daily routines then it should be a red flag. Missed signs of depression can mirror normal behavior during teenage years, so it can be pretty difficult to decipher between what is actually a warning sign of depression opposed to normal development. 

Some warning signs to watch out for are:

-Changes in mood and emotions- extreme sadness, feelings of hopelessness, anger or irritability, restlessness, agitation, feelings of worthlessness 

-Changes in behavior- use of drugs, poor school performance, risky behaviors, eating and disinterested things they found interesting, tech addiction, isolation and sleep disturbances.

-Physical changes-weight gain or loss, complaints about aches and pains, inability to rest.

-Suicidal thoughts-dwelling or talking about death is a red flag for suicide thoughts or attempts.

-Self harming behaviors-noticing that they are dressed in inappropriate clothing for the season, not showing arms or legs as often as they did, unexplainable marks or cuts on their body.

Parents during this time might not know what to do or may downplay what their child is experiencing but it is important to note that depression does not go away or clear up on its own. Depression is a complex disease that can be caused by a variety of factors, including genetics, brain chemistry and environmental factors. Depression is not something that you can treat yourself, it requires professional treatment. Parents who think something has changed should trust their gut, listen without responding or threatening their child, downplay what is going on as normal,  support their child during this time and get them help.
Early treatment is important to head off long-term effects of depression. The most common treatment is cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), which is aimed at changing the negative thinking the teen is caught in. It teaches kids ways of noticing and changing upsetting emotions. Antidepressant medication can be added to therapy.  The combination often works better than either treatment separately. Niyyah Counseling PLLC, https://www.niyyahcounselingpllc.com/our-team,  has a team of therapists who offer free 15 minutes consultations to better understand your needs. If you need assistance don’t delay, call today.

What Are Co-morbid Conditions of Depression? By Kara N Bradford, BS, LCDC, LMSW

First of all, what is a co-morbid condition? A condition is considered to be co-morbid when the symptoms occur at the same time or alongside another condition. As far as mental health goes, comorbidity is a relatively new concept as the symptoms and diagnostic criteria for mental health disorders have become more defined. Depression is one of the top three most common mental health disorders in the United States; additionally, the most common to experience a co-morbid condition. So, what are some common co-morbid conditions of depression? The most common disorders to occur with depression are anxiety disorders, substance use disorders (SUD), personality disorders, obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). 

National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) estimates that 60% of people who struggle with anxiety also suffer from symptoms of depression and vise-versa. Though professionals cannot definitively say why depression and anxiety are so commonly co-morbid, there are a few things that inform us as to why this happens so frequently. One of the reasons may be that due to the visible overlap in symptoms of the two conditions, it is entirely possible that they both come from the same parts of the brain and rely on the same chemical messengers, i.e. serotonin. 

Recent studies have shown that one-third of people suffering from depression also have a co-morbid SUD. Additionally, this population has shown to have greater instances of death by suicide than any other comorbidity. This reason could largely be due to the fact that typically, people who struggle with SUD often isolate themselves and experience other things that increase the risk of developing depression such as job loss, strained relationships, or financial strain, due to their struggle with substances. 

According to recent literature reviews, up to 90% of people who live with personality disorders–especially borderline personality disorder (BPD)–also meet criteria for depression. Being that personality disorders stem from the inability or difficulty to control mood and emotions, it is not surprising that someone living with a personality disorder may struggle with symptoms of a mood disorder, such as depression.

The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fifth Edition (DSM-V), comorbidity of OCD and depression occurs at a rate of almost 41% of people who suffer from OCD. Additionally, people who suffer from OCD usually do not meet criteria for depression until after OCD diagnosis. Interestingly enough, researchers believe that this happens due to the stress people’s OCD symptoms cause on an individual level, but also due to the stress that may have built from problems at home or work created by their OCD symptoms. 

The comorbidity of PTSD and depression is very common, the National Institutes of Health (NIH) suggests that “approximately half” of the people who struggle with PTSD also suffer from depression. Some of the reason for this is due to the fact that many of their symptoms and diagnostic criteria overlap; however, there is a great deal of research currently studying a biological component for an explanation of this as well. In the article cited above, the researchers suggest that the comorbidity of PTSD and depression is a “trauma-related phenotype.”

Now that we know the common co-morbid conditions of depression, what does it mean? It means that it is possible to experience more than one diagnosis at a time, but also that this occurrence is common, and that there are so many different approaches to treating both conditions simultaneously. Do some co-morbidities make treatment more difficult? Sure, that’s possible; however, treatment in and of itself can be difficult when treating just one disorder as well. The therapists at Niyyah Counseling PLLC describe themselves as eclectic, meaning that your treatment is individualized for you with what works for you. No two people are alike. No two experiences are alike. Reach out today and let us support you in your first steps toward recovery!

How Does Control Impact Our Life? By Connor Cohen, LMSW

Control is difficult. Control is something that we want. It is something that we often crave. Control helps us make sense of the world. Control helps us understand. When we have it things are not as scary. The unknown becomes the known. Questions have answers and the world seems to make sense when we are in control. And we are faced with so many situations where we have no control or very little control. That's kind of the way life is. We spend so much effort and time exerting control we have over a situation only to be met with a situation that is utterly outside our control. We stress about control, when we are in control, we don't want to let go. When we let go we are at the mercy of the universe, at the mercy of our higher power and of the wind and the moment. Letting go is scary. Letting go is that free fall out of the plane, jumping out feeling the wind and deciding to just be. And yet when we fall or rather right before we do, we want to steer the winds, we want to steer our body, we want to ensure that we have a safe landing. We fight so much and we hold on so tight then just the thought of letting go terrifies us. So what do we do? We are controlled beings in an uncontrollable universe. We are logical beings surrounded by moments of irrationality. Do we just let go? I would argue that there is control in allowing for the uncontrollable. The ultimate form of control is to accept that we do not have control. If we accept that we do not have control then that which we're afraid of, meaning a loss of control, no longer controls our fear or our anger or frustration. At times it can feel like we're all this walking around with clenched fists, holding on to that which we do not want to lose. Acceptance is hard. It's in our nature to want to try and control things because control keeps us safe. And to some degree, letting go of that control means welcome in danger, welcoming a threat to our safety. In life, there are dangers we can avoid. That is where control lives. In life, there are dangers that we cannot avoid. That is where control wants to live. The hard part is where does our autonomy begin? How do we know what is in our control and thus what is within our power to avoid, and what is outside of our scope? One way to help answer this question is to write it out. Take a piece of paper and write out two columns. On one side we write what is within our direct control. Some examples may be our attitude, our behaviors, and in some part our outlook and thought process. On the other hand, write out things that are outside of our control. This may look like other people's opinions, what others have to say about us, this can also be health conditions and even mortality. Now, I understand that it's not comfortable to look at something which we cannot control, it's flat out scary. By taking a moment and looking at that which we cannot control and that which we can can help us determine where to put our effort and our time. Even though it would be great to change the things that we cannot control, no matter how much effort we put in those are simply areas that are outside of our control. The bright side is we can take that same effort and put into the side of things that we can control. If you or a loved one is struggling with the idea of control or even just feeling out of control, please don't hesitate to contact our therapists. We are more than happy to help you on your journey.

Why Second Parent Adoption is Imperative in Today’s Political Climate. (Roe vs Wade and future implications of Obergefell) by Kathleen Chandler, LMSW PMH-C

After the Supreme Court’s draft to overturn Roe vs Wade was leaked last week, many people in the LGBT+ community became terrified that Obergefell v. Hodges, 576 U.S. 644, 135 S. Ct. 2584, 192 L. Ed. 2d 609 (2015) could be next. These are very valid fears; it is normal to worry when real threats present themselves.

What can one do to reduce anxiety about something that feels so out of our control? They can identify the things they can control and get to work! One way an LGBTQIA+ family can guarantee they are protected is by establishing the “legal parentage” of both parents. It is likely that both parents are on the birth certificate; however, that does not establish legal parentage

Some people feel falsely protected by the birth certificate, especially if they are in a liberal state. However, it is important to remember that the laws are different in every state. If the family travels to a state that does not recognize their parentage, one parent could be denied the ability to make medical decisions for their child should something happen.

Second Parent Adoption guarantees your parentage. If you have not yet established your parental rights, you risk losing rights to your child.

I understand how incredibly frustrating and disheartening it is to have to adopt your own child! Opposite sex spouses are automatically guaranteed a right that LGBTIA+ parents are not. The injustice can feel so toxic that you may want to avoid anything to do with the process. If you feel like your emotions are holding you back from the proceedings, I encourage you to try the following:

Stop

Take a break from thinking about it. Ruminating and catastrophizing will only cause you more anxiety.

Practice Self-Validation

Which may sound like, “it makes sense that I am feeling scared by all the uncertainty right now” or “I am struggling that this process is an injustice and that is okay”.

Practice Self-Soothing

When you find yourself feeling overwhelmed by the idea, or process, do something that soothes you: drink a warm beverage, take a bath, go for a run, listen to music, turn on a guided meditation, sit in nature. Whatever works for you!

Be Mindful of your co existing thoughts and feelings without judgment i.e. “This is ridiculous! I shouldn’t have to adopt my own child” AND “I would feel so much better if my legal parentage were undeniable”.

(Finally, when you’re ready)

ACT

use SMART goals to get a plan together. You can start by finding lawyer that specializes in Second Parent Adoptions in your state: https://connectingrainbows.org/lawyer-directory/

If you find that you still feel too overwhelmed or emotional about the topic, feel free to reach out to one of our therapists! We are here to support you and guide you through the journey.

Can Stress Cause Bad Dreams? By Connor Cohen, LMSW

Anxiety is difficult. It can turn our days into moments of panic, you can turn our nights into tossing and turning worried about tomorrow.  It can wrap our brain in ruminating thoughts, it can have us thinking about the worst case scenario on the worst day at the worst time. Anxiety creates stress and stress creates anxiety. This endless loop can take over our day and make it so that we have a difficult time functioning. You can feel as though our only reprieve from this endless loop is a good night's rest. But does this stress in this anxiety impact us even while we sleep? Does stress cause bad dreams?

Sleep is our body's time to recharge,  it is a time when we rest and recuperate.  Rest is when we heal.  If you sprain your ankle, the best way to heal it is to stay off it.  This means that the best way to heal still at the muscles rest in a way it's to let them sleep.  But just like how we can dream of a bug bite and we wake up and we realize that maybe your arm is being pinched. Our brain and our body are deeply connected.  So what does this mean for stress and dreams? Well, it means that stress in our waking world can create stress in our sleeping world.  Our body uses sleep to process things, to get things in order. If we are stressed during the day, maybe by bills or work assignments or school work,  our brain is going to react to that stress even after we try to sleep.  It is going to try to process that stress.  Almost like a boat in the ocean, stress is the water.  At times it may find a small hole to leak into the boat with,  and other times it may feel like a huge tidal wave feels like it'll knock the boat over.  We spend so much energy and time during the day to move the sails,  adjust our heading,  maybe even row a bit.  But at night our boat is still on the water.  Our brain is still trying to keep us afloat.  In times of stress our brain is less able to rest. The waters are choppy and those bad dreams are the brain's attempt to navigate that choppy water while we're asleep. 

So what do we do about these bad dreams and the stress?  Well, that's where coping skills come in.  That's where relaxation comes in.  Stress is not easy if it was, it probably wouldn't be  stressful.  By doing things during the day that reduce our levels of stress our brain can navigate calmer waters at night.  If you find yourself stressed during the day and impacted by bad dreams, try writing down all of your thoughts before bed. The act of writing them out can help us better organize our thoughts, it also gives us a place to put these thoughts before bed. Meaning that we don't necessarily have to take them to sleep with us. It's almost like writing out our thoughts allows us to put them away for the moment. Put them away for the night and detach from the stress even if it's just for a night.

If you or a loved one are struggling with stress,  know that you are not alone.  Stress unfortunately is one thing that makes us all human.  It can be difficult to navigate stress but our therapists are here to help.  Reach out today and schedule an appointment and maybe you'll find that you sleep a little better tonight. 

Do you have to love parenting 24/7 like in TV and movies? By Amanda Young, LCSW

Absolutely not! Parenting is one of the most important assignments that you will have in your life that will feel like it is not complete. Having someone to choose you and be solely dependent on you until they are of adult age, sometimes longer, can be very challenging.  I believe that we tend to fantasize about parenting and don’t understand how draining it could be emotionally, mentally and physically. Growing up we all might have wondered about being parents due to the influence of our parents or grandparents. Based on our experience or observation of our own parents, might have prompted us to think parenting isn’t too bad.  Due to our parents and grandparents, it seemed like being a parent was like a cake walk right? Being oblivious to the challenges,  not knowing that the assignment is heavily weighted with responsibilities, obstacles, tests and more importantly unconditional love which would evoke every emotion in us. 

 We might believe that being a parent, you have to do everything right and love your job as a parent and kids all the time. Witnessing other parent’s having meltdowns, storming off from their kids or simply not wanting to be bothered is absurd. Thinking to ourselves while watching other parents, saying, “this is what you signed up for and you should not show frustration or tell your kid that you “don’t be like them today” is something we might not understand. Oh I will never do that because I love my kids. But the reality is we are all human and we live in the real world. 

There are different stages of parenting, (commander, coach, counselor and consultant.) we will encounter that and will have you asking yourself. “What was I thinking?” during the most challenging ones. Some of us are able to make it through the stages with minimal challenges while others weather a variety of challenges. These challenges will either make us or break us. There are times that we would like to forget about being a parent, escape the responsibilities and enjoy some alone time but most importantly some quiet time. And guess what, that is ok!

Parenting didn’t come with a definite 100 percent happiness stamp. There are no guarantees while weather the different stages.  There is no cookie cutter way to parent a child because they are different. There is no correct way to brainstorm problems or to problem solve when issues arise.  So to be honest, no it is not ideal or realistic to think that we will love parenting 24/7 and that is ok. We are human and imperfect beings. Just show up and do your best. If you don’t like the task of parenting all the time, that is ok, the world will not end. You are doing great! 

How People With A Disability Can Cope With The Lifting of Mask Mandates by Connor Cohen, LMSW

Life with a disability is hard enough. Whether the disability can be seen or is invisible to others, it can be difficult to navigate life with a disability. It can be even more difficult given the state of the global pandemic. With the state of the world, people have gone from fall risks to high risk. Now there is a new danger outside of your door in a world full of other equally important dangers.

The lifting of mask mandates is a bit like shaking up a snow globe. We spent so many years waiting for each snowflake to fall into place after the chaotic blizzard of 2020. And now that we may finally feel settled, we finally feel safe. Here comes life again to shake up the snow globe. So how do we cope with this change? With this fear?

Well, I think it starts with realizing your role in all of this. The mask mandate said that you were required to wear a mask, not having a mandate doesn't make it illegal to wear a mask. You have just as much right to wear your mask as you do the t-shirt on your body and the shoes on your feet. It is your safety, it is your life, you have a right to protect it. Do what you need to do, do what you want to do. Remember that you can always say no, you can always look out for yourself even if it makes people upset. If you are uncomfortable in social outings, say no. The no doesn't have to be " no and" or " no but" no is a complete sentence. You don't owe anyone an explanation. It is your story to tell, it is your reason to give, not theirs to demand and not theirs to take. If you feel worried or scared or anxious, take some time for yourself, do something you enjoy, turn off the news, have your favorite meal, and take a deep breath. No one would blame you for feeling worried and no one should. This is your journey, this is your life, and the pandemic is a set of uncomfortably difficult chapters in your book. But just as there have been chapters before, there will be chapters after. It can be easy to lose sight of a hopeful future given the state of the world, but hope is out there it may take some work to find it. It may take even more work to hold but it is there.

If you or a loved one are struggling with anxiety or worry around the pandemic in the lifting of mask mandates. We are here to help. Our therapists here can help you cope with worry and teach you how to handle that fear. Schedule your first session with us today.

How to use mindfulness to cope with trauma by Kathleen Chandler, LMSW PMH-C

If you are coping with trauma, mindfulness can help. Establishing a mindfulness practice can slow down reactivity, increase your attention (and connection) to your body, and change the structure of your brain by building more connections and pathways. Eventually, you will have greater emotional regulation and the capacity to better tolerate triggers and life stressors.

It should be mentioned that mindfulness, if not used carefully, can exacerbate trauma symptoms. The following advice is meant to help guide you through a trauma-sensitive mindfulness practice.

Know your Coping Tools

Before you begin practicing mindfulness make sure you know what coping tools soothe you best. Square breathing, tapping, safe-calm place, listening to music, going for a walk, or noticing your five senses? Be ready to do whatever works for you!

Make sure you feel safe.

Find a physical location that feels safe to you and only practice mindfulness with people that you feel safe with.

Stay within your Window of Tolerance

Stay within your ideal emotional zone. Pay attention to your body and your emotions. Make sure you aren’t pushing it! Don’t begin mindfulness if you are already outside of your Window of Tolerance. Stop immediately if you feel you are starting to venture outside the window: racing heart, intense anxiety, dissociation, have blurry vision, start sweating, or feel like you can’t catch your breath.

Apply the Brakes when needed!

Open your eyes, change your posture, take slow deep belly breaths, structure breaks for yourself, make physical contact with your body (touch your legs, tap on your temples), and engage in self soothing.

Remember that mindfulness may look a bit different for you. You may need to practice with your eyes open and stay aware of your surroundings. That is fine! You can use guided meditation if you feel you need to ease into it.

It may be best for you to start with an informal mindfulness practice. That means you bring awareness to daily tasks such as eating, exercising, doing chores, or any other daily action. For example, you could start with brushing your teeth. As you brush, try to bring all your attention, awareness, and senses to the task. What does the handle feel like, what is the texture of the bristles, what sounds do you hear, what does it smell and taste like, etc.

When you have identified your coping tools, have a safe space, know your window of tolerance, and understand how to apply the brakes, you may be ready to begin your mindfulness practice. Here’s how to start:

Take a few moments to center yourself and enter the zone of “just being”.

Begin by drawing your attention to your breath. Feel your body and notice whatever comes up. Allow any thought, emotion, or physical sensation to be exactly as it is.

Just notice. This is not a time to analyze, judge, or solve problems. Just notice whatever comes up.

In the beginning, short sessions are best. 30 seconds to 2 minutes is plenty.

If you find that you would like to explore mindfulness with a professional, therapists at Niyyah Counseling are available to help!

How Social Media Influences War Trauma By Nabiha Hasan, LMSW

Wars, conflicts, and disagreements have been ongoing from the beginning of time. Traumatic experiences resulting from war trauma have impacted a countless number of individuals, whether resulting in temporary symptoms or potentially long-term PTSD. What has changed over time, however, is the presence, influence, and impact of social media through many decades. Social media is a huge influencer of war trauma, and the exploration of the many ways it is impactful will be covered in this article.

Images. Pictures and images on social media are heavily circulated. Regardless of which war the picture was taken from, the heartbreaking truth and reality is that images derived from war zones and disasters resemble each other greatly. There are definitely symbolic images taken from wars in particular which may resemble that specific event, such as the image of the 2-year-old Syrian child’s body which was found ashore after his family tried to flee their country as refugees. The circulation of these images is profound, and once an image is broadcast to social media, it will remain there forever, and even if deleted at some point later on, traces can still be found (through screenshots, comments, etc.). 

Selective coverage. The news is very particular with what it chooses to broadcast. There are numerous wars and conflicts which receive little to no attention, such as the Myanmar conflict, the Sudanese conflict, and the Palestinian-Israeli war, just to name a few. Social media can exacerbate this war trauma due to inhabitants of these countries or individuals of these ethnicities feeling that their experiences are unaccounted for, go unnoticed, or are invalidated. The inevitable biases of the news and journalism industry are very impactful in exacerbating war trauma, due to the lack of coverage of particular wars/conflicts/uprisings.

Multiple voices. The wide range of voices, as well as accessibility to practically anyone and everyone’s opinion, can be very trigger-some for many. With TikToks, Instagram, Snapchat Stories, Facebook Lives, and every other social media outlet in between, people are open and free to give their opinions about anything and everything happening in society. Public voices are not in line with those of everyone in society, inevitably so, and hearing/circulating opinions about one’s stance on wars and current events can be very triggering for someone who feels a particular way about a war, thereby triggering war trauma. Individuals commenting on wars/conflicts often may not have enough information or could be biased in the information they have.

For more information or insight on how social media influences war trauma, please feel free to check out additional blogs on our website. Our team of therapists have wonderful insight and experience working with a variety of populations and in many different realms, and take pride in writing about various, relevant topics to society. If you feel that you have been impacted by war trauma, particularly as a result of social media or otherwise, do reach out to us at Niyyah Counseling to find out more about a therapist who may be the best fit for you; the bridge to wellness is just moments away.