Coping with Back to School Stress

School can be stressful. Whether it is college, high school, middle school, elementary school or even graduate school (I can definitely validate that stress) school is simply stressful. We tend to put a lot of energy into school. This energy can be mental, emotional and physical in nature. No matter our age or grade level, school has a tendency to become all encompassing. Our whole lives can feel like they revolve around school. Our social relationships are strongly influenced by our schooling, our job outlooks often feel dependent on how we handle school, and we simply spend a lot of time at school or thinking about school. So it’s no wonder that we feel stress as we return to school. All this stress and that’s not even considering the pandemic stress on top of the usual school stress. 

So what do we do about that stress? Well luckily there are many ways we can combat school stressors. 

Step 1: Examine Our Stress. Sun Tzu wrote in the Art of War that “If you know the enemy and know yourself, you need not fear the result of a hundred battles.” While we may not be literally meeting our stress on a battlefield, it can certainly feel like it from time to time. The key part of any coping strategy is to understand what we are up against and know what we want to be on the other side of coping. Take some time to ask yourself where the stress comes from and what you want the stress to look like.

Step 2: Battle Plan! So we figured out the stressful parts of returning to school. Now it’s time to plan to combat the stress. Maybe you find deadlines for homework to be stressful, or maybe keeping up with assignments is causing stress. Try using sticky notes or other forms of reminders to help you stay on top of tasks. No matter what your source of stress is when it comes to school, creating a plan to address it can be extremely helpful.

Step 3: Adjust The Plan. The next important step is to adjust our plan. At times our stressors may shift or grow and shrink in intensity. To keep up with the changes it can be helpful to continually assess our plan along the way. Adjusting the plan is also important as it allows us to gauge whether our plan still serves its purpose.

Step 4: Reach out to a Niyyah Therapist. Sometimes school stress can be overwhelming. It can feel like no matter how much we plan, the stress does not seem to go away. That’s when an outside source would be super helpful! At Niyyah we can help you learn how to better handle school related stress. If you would like to have your very own Niyyah therapist. Contact us below today! https://www.niyyahcounselingpllc.com/contactus

How Does Control Impact Our Life? By Connor Cohen, LMSW

Control is difficult. Control is something that we want. It is something that we often crave. Control helps us make sense of the world. Control helps us understand. When we have it things are not as scary. The unknown becomes the known. Questions have answers and the world seems to make sense when we are in control. And we are faced with so many situations where we have no control or very little control. That's kind of the way life is. We spend so much effort and time exerting control we have over a situation only to be met with a situation that is utterly outside our control. We stress about control, when we are in control, we don't want to let go. When we let go we are at the mercy of the universe, at the mercy of our higher power and of the wind and the moment. Letting go is scary. Letting go is that free fall out of the plane, jumping out feeling the wind and deciding to just be. And yet when we fall or rather right before we do, we want to steer the winds, we want to steer our body, we want to ensure that we have a safe landing. We fight so much and we hold on so tight then just the thought of letting go terrifies us. So what do we do? We are controlled beings in an uncontrollable universe. We are logical beings surrounded by moments of irrationality. Do we just let go? I would argue that there is control in allowing for the uncontrollable. The ultimate form of control is to accept that we do not have control. If we accept that we do not have control then that which we're afraid of, meaning a loss of control, no longer controls our fear or our anger or frustration. At times it can feel like we're all this walking around with clenched fists, holding on to that which we do not want to lose. Acceptance is hard. It's in our nature to want to try and control things because control keeps us safe. And to some degree, letting go of that control means welcome in danger, welcoming a threat to our safety. In life, there are dangers we can avoid. That is where control lives. In life, there are dangers that we cannot avoid. That is where control wants to live. The hard part is where does our autonomy begin? How do we know what is in our control and thus what is within our power to avoid, and what is outside of our scope? One way to help answer this question is to write it out. Take a piece of paper and write out two columns. On one side we write what is within our direct control. Some examples may be our attitude, our behaviors, and in some part our outlook and thought process. On the other hand, write out things that are outside of our control. This may look like other people's opinions, what others have to say about us, this can also be health conditions and even mortality. Now, I understand that it's not comfortable to look at something which we cannot control, it's flat out scary. By taking a moment and looking at that which we cannot control and that which we can can help us determine where to put our effort and our time. Even though it would be great to change the things that we cannot control, no matter how much effort we put in those are simply areas that are outside of our control. The bright side is we can take that same effort and put into the side of things that we can control. If you or a loved one is struggling with the idea of control or even just feeling out of control, please don't hesitate to contact our therapists. We are more than happy to help you on your journey.

Can Stress Cause Bad Dreams? By Connor Cohen, LMSW

Anxiety is difficult. It can turn our days into moments of panic, you can turn our nights into tossing and turning worried about tomorrow.  It can wrap our brain in ruminating thoughts, it can have us thinking about the worst case scenario on the worst day at the worst time. Anxiety creates stress and stress creates anxiety. This endless loop can take over our day and make it so that we have a difficult time functioning. You can feel as though our only reprieve from this endless loop is a good night's rest. But does this stress in this anxiety impact us even while we sleep? Does stress cause bad dreams?

Sleep is our body's time to recharge,  it is a time when we rest and recuperate.  Rest is when we heal.  If you sprain your ankle, the best way to heal it is to stay off it.  This means that the best way to heal still at the muscles rest in a way it's to let them sleep.  But just like how we can dream of a bug bite and we wake up and we realize that maybe your arm is being pinched. Our brain and our body are deeply connected.  So what does this mean for stress and dreams? Well, it means that stress in our waking world can create stress in our sleeping world.  Our body uses sleep to process things, to get things in order. If we are stressed during the day, maybe by bills or work assignments or school work,  our brain is going to react to that stress even after we try to sleep.  It is going to try to process that stress.  Almost like a boat in the ocean, stress is the water.  At times it may find a small hole to leak into the boat with,  and other times it may feel like a huge tidal wave feels like it'll knock the boat over.  We spend so much energy and time during the day to move the sails,  adjust our heading,  maybe even row a bit.  But at night our boat is still on the water.  Our brain is still trying to keep us afloat.  In times of stress our brain is less able to rest. The waters are choppy and those bad dreams are the brain's attempt to navigate that choppy water while we're asleep. 

So what do we do about these bad dreams and the stress?  Well, that's where coping skills come in.  That's where relaxation comes in.  Stress is not easy if it was, it probably wouldn't be  stressful.  By doing things during the day that reduce our levels of stress our brain can navigate calmer waters at night.  If you find yourself stressed during the day and impacted by bad dreams, try writing down all of your thoughts before bed. The act of writing them out can help us better organize our thoughts, it also gives us a place to put these thoughts before bed. Meaning that we don't necessarily have to take them to sleep with us. It's almost like writing out our thoughts allows us to put them away for the moment. Put them away for the night and detach from the stress even if it's just for a night.

If you or a loved one are struggling with stress,  know that you are not alone.  Stress unfortunately is one thing that makes us all human.  It can be difficult to navigate stress but our therapists are here to help.  Reach out today and schedule an appointment and maybe you'll find that you sleep a little better tonight. 

How Business Owners Can Cope if COVID Killed Their Business by Connor Cohen, LMSW

Owning a business is hard. Owning a business during a once-in-a-lifetime pandemic, that's even harder. As a business owner you may have been prepared for difficulties but it seems as though life gave us the toughest challenge. The pandemic changed the world, it changed how we do pretty much anything. It changed the way we communicate with others, it changed the way we work, it even changed the way that many of us shop.   In truth, the pandemic has been hard on businesses. Whether it is the issue of global supply chains  or issues with staffing, the pandemic has created a whole new world of business. So what do we do when this dream of ours and this goal of ours has us feeling that it has been taken away.  It wasn't taken away because we didn't work hard enough, or because someone else got in the way, the dream was altered because the universe, nature,  an act of God,  or whatever we want to refer to this as got in the way.  The pandemic has forced us all to adapt and business is no different.

In order to cope with the impact of the pandemic on your business there are a few steps that can be helpful.

Step 1:  Analyze and examine just how the pandemic has impacted your business. While  impact has been seen across the board, it has not always been equal. While there are  large corporations bringing in record amounts of profit,  countless other businesses are forced to close due to the extreme nature of the pandemic.  Before fully deciding how to go about coping with these changes,  we must first acknowledge just how much of an impact the state of the world has made on our business.

Step 2:  Adapt.  So we have examined how we have been changed by the world, now it is time for us to examine how we change in response.  These adaptations and changes won't always be easy, they may even change the very nature of our business,  but the dream and goal of our business is worth changing and adapting for.  Now I know that we all didn't sign up for this,  and we can feel frustrated and angry, disappointed, or just flat out defeated but  in life change is needed.  Imagine if we never changed,  we would never move forward,  we would never grow,  and we would fail to adapt.  Now I'm not saying that you have to be on the forefront  of dynamic change,  I'm not asking for revolutions.  What I am asking for is an honest attempt to adapt.  Your dream of business, your goal of business is worth that attempt.

Step 3:  Slowly integrate  original goals and plans accordingly as the world begins to open back up.  There's a reason your original business idea made that fire under you. Chances are it was a pretty good idea,  just maybe not at the most opportune time.  So as we begin to collectively heal as a people, as a nation,  as humanity,  remember that that idea of your business inspired you for a reason.  One thing that's helpful is writing down your "why".  Why are you in business? Why are you doing what you do? Why do people need this business? Keep those thoughts in mind when times are tough. Keep that purpose in mind when it looks like all hope is lost.

Owning and operating a business is difficult,  it will bring about countless emotions and feelings.  And yet despite these difficulties we continue moving forward,  we continue growing, and we continue learning. If the changes in your business have left you feeling stressed beyond what you can handle, reach out to one of our skilled therapists at Niyyah and we can help you navigate this difficult time.

Coping With the Stress Infertility May Have On Your Relationship by Kathleen Chandler, LMSW, PMH-C

Infertility is a complex life crisis; research correlates it to higher rates of depression and anxiety. It is emotionally stressful, psychologically threatening, economically expensive, and it takes a physical toll. Many people experience shame, and struggle with how to talk about it, with their partner, family, and friends. If you have a partner, remember that each of you are feeling separate emotions, thoughts, wants, and needs. What stresses one partner out, may not stress the other, and vice versa. It is important to prioritize your own wellbeing, in addition to your relationship.

Here are a few tips to help you, and your partner, cope with Infertility:

Find Support

Identify who you can talk to about your infertility journey. Think of family, friends, and colleagues that could help you process the experience. The single most impactful thing you can do for your mental health is acquire social support. Join a support group with other people going through the process; you’ll feel less alone.

Identify your Stressors and Coping Mechanisms

This helps increase your self awareness. Do you have anxiety around injections? Is the two-week wait unbearable? Does the day of your beta testing cause you uncontrollable anxiety? The more aware you are of your triggers, the better you’ll be at anticipating your stressors, and developing coping strategies that work for you.

Reframe Your Thinking and Stop Catastrophizing:

Try to stay aware of your self-talk and challenge unhelpful thinking. If you catch yourself thinking, “I’ll never get pregnant”, stop the thought and replace it with a true statement: “I haven’t been pregnant yet, but I am working with a great Reproductive Endocrinology who will help us make the best treatment decision for our situation”. Instead of hyper-focusing on the worst-case scenarios, remind yourself that you don’t know what the future holds. Try asking yourself the counter question to your worst-case scenarios: “what if I never get to be a mom” might become, “what if it all works out!”. If you’re struggling with anxiety and need some help grounding yourself, check out this article by Connor Cohen, LMSW, on managing anxiety with the 3-3-3 rule!

Root Yourself in the Present

Remember to live right now. Try to prioritize doing things that bring you and your partner joy. Your life doesn’t start when you have a baby, your life is happening now. Do your best to plan meaningful activities and get them on the calendar. Make sure you both have things to look forward to!

Practice Self-Care

Take a break, take a nap, listen to music, take a bath, listen to a guided meditation, belly breathe, go for a walk outside, journal, call a friend, garden, sit by a body of water, color/paint/draw, sit in silence, go for a drive, notice your body, spend time with an animal, put your phone down or pick it up. Whatever you do, be intentional. Ask yourself what you need and do it.

Connect, Connect, Connect

Whether you need a daily 15-minute or a weekly 30-minute talk; schedule a time and duration for a stress-reducing re-connecting conversation that works for your family. When you decide how much time to allot, remember to divide the time in half; that is how much time each partner will have as the speaker and listener, as you’ll switch roles.

The Listener’s job is to:

-Focus on emotion and experience: What are you feeling right now?

-Empathize and Validate: “Of course, you feel sad, Honey. That’s normal, I feel sad too”

-Never minimize your partners experience or emotions!

The listener can ask their partner questions like:

-What was your biggest fear this week?

-What triggers have you had recently?

-What is the most upsetting to you, right now?

The Speaker’s job is to:

-Connect with the partner by naming feelings, sharing emotions and thoughts.

-Receive empathy, comfort, and love.

Therapeutic Interventions:

Psychotherapy, Interpersonal Therapy, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, and Couples Therapy are all evidence-based practices that can help your mental health during infertility. If you are struggling and would like some support, feel free to reach out to one of our therapists! We are just a click away!