Control is difficult. Control is something that we want. It is something that we often crave. Control helps us make sense of the world. Control helps us understand. When we have it things are not as scary. The unknown becomes the known. Questions have answers and the world seems to make sense when we are in control. And we are faced with so many situations where we have no control or very little control. That's kind of the way life is. We spend so much effort and time exerting control we have over a situation only to be met with a situation that is utterly outside our control. We stress about control, when we are in control, we don't want to let go. When we let go we are at the mercy of the universe, at the mercy of our higher power and of the wind and the moment. Letting go is scary. Letting go is that free fall out of the plane, jumping out feeling the wind and deciding to just be. And yet when we fall or rather right before we do, we want to steer the winds, we want to steer our body, we want to ensure that we have a safe landing. We fight so much and we hold on so tight then just the thought of letting go terrifies us. So what do we do? We are controlled beings in an uncontrollable universe. We are logical beings surrounded by moments of irrationality. Do we just let go? I would argue that there is control in allowing for the uncontrollable. The ultimate form of control is to accept that we do not have control. If we accept that we do not have control then that which we're afraid of, meaning a loss of control, no longer controls our fear or our anger or frustration. At times it can feel like we're all this walking around with clenched fists, holding on to that which we do not want to lose. Acceptance is hard. It's in our nature to want to try and control things because control keeps us safe. And to some degree, letting go of that control means welcome in danger, welcoming a threat to our safety. In life, there are dangers we can avoid. That is where control lives. In life, there are dangers that we cannot avoid. That is where control wants to live. The hard part is where does our autonomy begin? How do we know what is in our control and thus what is within our power to avoid, and what is outside of our scope? One way to help answer this question is to write it out. Take a piece of paper and write out two columns. On one side we write what is within our direct control. Some examples may be our attitude, our behaviors, and in some part our outlook and thought process. On the other hand, write out things that are outside of our control. This may look like other people's opinions, what others have to say about us, this can also be health conditions and even mortality. Now, I understand that it's not comfortable to look at something which we cannot control, it's flat out scary. By taking a moment and looking at that which we cannot control and that which we can can help us determine where to put our effort and our time. Even though it would be great to change the things that we cannot control, no matter how much effort we put in those are simply areas that are outside of our control. The bright side is we can take that same effort and put into the side of things that we can control. If you or a loved one is struggling with the idea of control or even just feeling out of control, please don't hesitate to contact our therapists. We are more than happy to help you on your journey.