After the Supreme Court’s draft to overturn Roe vs Wade was leaked last week, many people in the LGBT+ community became terrified that Obergefell v. Hodges, 576 U.S. 644, 135 S. Ct. 2584, 192 L. Ed. 2d 609 (2015) could be next. These are very valid fears; it is normal to worry when real threats present themselves.

What can one do to reduce anxiety about something that feels so out of our control? They can identify the things they can control and get to work! One way an LGBTQIA+ family can guarantee they are protected is by establishing the “legal parentage” of both parents. It is likely that both parents are on the birth certificate; however, that does not establish legal parentage

Some people feel falsely protected by the birth certificate, especially if they are in a liberal state. However, it is important to remember that the laws are different in every state. If the family travels to a state that does not recognize their parentage, one parent could be denied the ability to make medical decisions for their child should something happen.

Second Parent Adoption guarantees your parentage. If you have not yet established your parental rights, you risk losing rights to your child.

I understand how incredibly frustrating and disheartening it is to have to adopt your own child! Opposite sex spouses are automatically guaranteed a right that LGBTIA+ parents are not. The injustice can feel so toxic that you may want to avoid anything to do with the process. If you feel like your emotions are holding you back from the proceedings, I encourage you to try the following:

Stop

Take a break from thinking about it. Ruminating and catastrophizing will only cause you more anxiety.

Practice Self-Validation

Which may sound like, “it makes sense that I am feeling scared by all the uncertainty right now” or “I am struggling that this process is an injustice and that is okay”.

Practice Self-Soothing

When you find yourself feeling overwhelmed by the idea, or process, do something that soothes you: drink a warm beverage, take a bath, go for a run, listen to music, turn on a guided meditation, sit in nature. Whatever works for you!

Be Mindful of your co existing thoughts and feelings without judgment i.e. “This is ridiculous! I shouldn’t have to adopt my own child” AND “I would feel so much better if my legal parentage were undeniable”.

(Finally, when you’re ready)

ACT

use SMART goals to get a plan together. You can start by finding lawyer that specializes in Second Parent Adoptions in your state: https://connectingrainbows.org/lawyer-directory/

If you find that you still feel too overwhelmed or emotional about the topic, feel free to reach out to one of our therapists! We are here to support you and guide you through the journey.