How to Make Peace with Parenting Mistakes by Nabiha Hasan, LMSW

Being a parent comes with ups, downs, and just about everything else in between. Undoubtedly it is the most difficult yet most rewarding job in the world. Nonetheless, each parent has her or his own strengths and weaknesses; oftentimes as parents we are overly critical of mistakes we make when disciplining or communicating with our children. Overthinking these parenting mistakes can lead to guilt, remorse, and catastrophizing - feeling like the worst parent in the world. Take note of the following tips to make peace with parenting mistakes, which are inevitable and a part of life.

Accept. Accepting what happened is the first step to making peace with your parenting mistake. We are not perfect creatures, and being 100% responsible for significantly younger human beings is not an easy task by any means. Making mistakes is part of being a parent, though not the best part, but most definitely a part that we all have to live with as a segment of the parenting package.

Admit. Tell your child that you made a mistake. This is a learning opportunity for you both, and a life lesson on how mistakes are essential to learning. After all, we learn from our mistakes, and our children learn from us first and foremost. Speak to your partner about the mistake you made, and explain that you accept what happened. If you are a single parent, confide in a trusted individual, whether that’s your own parent, friend, therapist, or colleague.

Apologize. There is absolutely nothing wrong with telling your child that you’re sorry. End quote. When we apologize to our children, we are teaching them that we adults are human too, and being on the higher end of the power dynamic should not affect one’s ability or decision to apologize. Your child will feel valued by hearing an apology from you, while simultaneously learning that it is acceptable and encouraged to apologize when you’re wrong. We are walking, talking examples for our children, and we lead them more by practicing, not preaching.

Reflect and learn. Think about the mistake you made, and use it as a learning opportunity. Brainstorm some possible solutions to dealing with the issue in a more positive manner; if you made a mistake in a fit of anger, practice some brief calming strategies you can utilize to avoid making the same mistake again. Some of these calming strategies may consist of: taking deep breaths, counting backwards, or walking away from the situation to avoid escalation.

All in all, parenting mistakes are undeniable, and there is no shame in asking for help in making sense and peace of those mistakes. Remember that you can always count on one of our therapists at Niyyah Counseling to help walk you through your worries, encourage you to make a change, and allow you to voice yourself in a judgement-free zone. Until then, reminisce over the things you cherish as a parent, and allow these things to guide you through the rough times...you will find that your mistakes will serve as a learning experience going forward.

Supporting Teens with Suicidal Thoughts by Linda Hamza

The Facts

Mental illness affects people regardless of their culture, race, ethnicity, age, gender, or sexual orientation. Risk factors, such as a history of trauma/abuse or a major loss, along with a lack of coping skills, can trigger an episode.

Each year more than 34,000 individuals take their own life, making suicide the tenth leading cause of death among U.S. adults, and the second leading cause in those aged 10 to 24 years. 90% of individuals who die by suicide experience mental illness, oftentimes undiagnosed or untreated. Half of all chronic mental illnesses begin by the age of 14 but on average people delay seeking treatment by 11 years. We know that 80 to 90% of patients who do get help are treated successfully using therapy and/or medication.

10 Do’s and Don’ts to help communities effectively address mental illness:

Don’ts

1. Don’t call the patient “crazy” -  such labels mean very little in describing the situation, and yet causes a great deal of harm. 

2. Don’t respond judgmentally and harshly.

   • “Get over it”; “Just think positively”; “What have you got to be anxious about?”; “There are people who have it way worse.”

   • Don’t blame yourself as a parent.

   • Don’t blame another Ummah member.

3. Don’t fear treatment. Your mental health professional will be able to help you navigate this and balance the cost-benefit-analysis of the chosen treatment.

4. Don’t let shame prevent you from saving a child. The Shame Resilience Theory offers ways of responding to such feelings.

5. Don’t ignore the warning signs! 

Dos

1. Do raise awareness. Talk about suicide, mental illness, family genetics and history. If you are a professional, attend and educate other practitioners in Culturally Competent Interventions to help meet clients needs once treatments are sought. Talk to teachers, spiritual leaders, and police officers.

2. Do normalize the idea of mental illness in the community. Learn about the various diagnoses and what they mean. Provide community support as if it were your child.

3. Do debunk myths around mental illness & suicide.

   • Mental illness does not make you weak, nor mean you lack faith any more than poor eyesight requiring glasses, or a thyroid condition requiring medication does.

   • Teenagers are moody. Know the difference between developmentally appropriate responses, and when it is a cry for help. Depression as well as anxiety often presents in teenagers as anger and behavioral issues.

4. Do take the warning signs seriously.

   1. Focusing on death, comments such as “wanting to disappear” or “never waking up” feeling like they’re a burden or hopelessness.

   2. If they are isolating, giving away items or researching or making a plan or suicidal  threats, comments, gestures, or attempts.

   3. Taking high risks: driving extremely fast, using drugs/alcohol, self-harming or sexually acting out.

   4. Mood swings, eating or sleeping more or less than usual

5. Do seek immediate treatment for Suicide Prevention

   • Call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline (Lifeline) at 1-800-273-TALK (8255), or text the Crisis Text Line (text HELLO to 741741). Both services are confidential, free and available 24 hours a day, seven days a week. The deaf and hard of hearing can contact the Lifeline via TTY at 1-800-799-4889. Contact social media outlets directly if you are concerned about a friend’s social media updates or dial 911 in an emergency.   

   • Know when to see a professional. 

     1. Psychiatrist: A doctor who prescribes and manages medication.  

     2. Therapist: A professional who can talk with your teen about the problems they’re experiencing, teach them coping skills, and refer them out as needed for higher levels of care.

How to Use Affirmations to Manage Anxiety by Connor Cohen, LMSW

Do you talk to yourself? If so, how do you talk to yourself? I don’t mean, do you find yourself walking around speaking out loud to yourself. I mean, when you talk to yourself, are you kind to yourself? See, the thing is, anxiety lies to you. That voice in the back of your head that has you doubting your own thoughts and actions is lying to you. So, what can we do about that? Well, the first step is realizing that you have had that anxious voice in the back of your head for years and that it will take time to combat these long-held messages.

Positive affirmations can help reduce anxiety by combating the negative messages. Anxiety tells us a lot of things, oftentimes anxiety is negativity masked as theatrical safety. Does worrying about our performance at work, or thinking we’re not good enough actually keep us from harm? Most likely not, and yet anxiety tells us these messages and more. So it may sound simple but changing how we talk to ourselves can have a great impact on anxiety. When anxiety chimes up and tries to tell us that we are not good enough, positive affirmations are our chance to build up a defence. Think of it like putting your thoughts on trial. Anxiety has theories but we have proof and evidence to refute anxiety’s attempts at making us a prisoner of our thoughts. There are several frameworks that support positive outlooks that refute negative anxieties.

Throughout history there have been truths that we hold to be self-evident. Some would refer to them as unalienable rights, unable to be separated from our status as human beings. The classic example is actually from the constitution of the United States, the truths of life liberty and the pursuit of happiness. But I believe these truths extend further than we often realize. We all deserve to pursue our own happiness but we often get caught up in anxiety’s trap. An example of a great positive affirmation for this would be “I am worthy of happiness” or “my happiness is important, and it matters”.

Another view of positive affirmations is the aspect of being one’s own best friend. Think of your very best friend. How would you feel if someone told you that they were worthless? For most people it is easier to see the value in others, that for some reason we feel as though we are the exception, everyone else deserves happiness but us. Well I hate to break it to you, but for as special as you are, you are no less human than your best friend. The longest relationship you will ever have is the one with yourself. It’s like the old saying goes, “No matter where you go, there you are.” So it is worth trying to be our own best friend. You are loved just for being who you are, just for existing and while it can be hard to love ourselves, the difficulty of self-love does not negate the validity of it. It may be hard to love ourselves like our best friend would, but that does not mean that we are not worth it.

If you or a loved one is struggling with anxiety, here at Niyyah Counseling we understand that each journey begins with a step, and that it can be difficult to rewrite that internal voice that anxiety uses. We are here to help. Contact us today to set up a session with one of our wonderful therapists!

The Relationship Between Depression and Social Media by Nabiha Hasan, LMSW

The world has become global to a new level; social media has made things that were once impossible, now possible at the tips of our fingers. Whether that means seeing what your cousin in London had for lunch, doing your Texas history assignment from Japan, or screensharing a movie on video call with your friend who lives on the other side of the country, the pandemic has really helped us recognize the extent of possibilities on social media. There are many adverse side effects as well, however; social media can indeed become an addiction, trigger, or a distraction. Depression and social media are very closely linked, for a variety of reasons, and here is an overview of how that is possible; considering that this article is being written at the closing of 2021, some of the common features of social media will be discussed.

Memories. The ‘memories’ feature on a lot of social media platforms can be particularly triggering. If one is going through a rough patch in life, has had significant changes in their family or friend circle, or has experienced loss in some kind of way, this feature can be troublesome. In my own experience as a mental health therapist, I have had discussions with clients about deactivating their accounts due to being reminded of specific changes in their life, which was causing more depression.

Comparisons. Social media has primarily the positives that are going on in people’s lives; this may include pictures or posts about their vacations, weddings, pregnancy announcements, children's first day of school, and other typically positive aspects of their lives. Oftentimes there are a number of bad days behind each of those posts, just like in any other person’s life. Seeing these things, however, can be a cause for one's own mood to spiral downward and put a timeframe or limit on one’s life. The fact of the matter is, though, that each individual is on his or her own journey on this earth. Society and culture are the only things that dictate being married by a specific age, having children by a particular time in life, or having the resources and time to go on multiple vacations per year.

Distractions. By far, social media can be one of the major obstacles to productivity. The endless scrolling may seem difficult to cease and can affect one’s ability to work on much needed projects, assignments, or even give time to her or his family. Thankfully there are tools current day that can assist with monitoring screen usage, but the constant act of being distracted can cause a disconnect with the real, offline world, and contribute to added feelings of depression.

Social media has its benefits, undoubtedly, but also can be a cause for a negative emotional state of health. Utilizing it within limits is a crucial life skill current day and taking advantage of its benefits can also help to recognize some ways in which it is useful. If you feel that social media, in itself or along with other factors, is affecting your emotions and potentially causing you to experience symptoms of depression, please reach out to us at Niyyah Counseling and allow one of our highly qualified and experienced therapists to walk you through these feelings; we will work together in order to help you come to terms with your emotions and manage your mental health in a positive light.

Identifying Signs of Addiction in Teens by Amanda Young, LCSW

Adolescence years are a very trying time for teenagers and their parents. Adolescents have physical and emotional changes that they go through that they aren’t able to describe or put in words. During this time, teenagers are also in a stage where they are trying to find out who they are and assert their independence. Parents with adolescents describe these years as the make-or-break years. These years are where adolescents are pushing parents away, demanding more privacy and would rather be with their friends opposed to their families. Adolescents' moods change quickly, attitude is not so great, and emotions are intense. It is common for adolescents to be confused, intense, angry or afraid.

Due to the magnitude of changes and the fluctuation of emotions adolescents experience, it might be hard to distinguish between what is a normal behavior or mood change due to adolescence opposed to abusing substances. Adolescents experiencing peer pressure, curiosity, stress, peer pressure, escaping from daily issues and just experimenting, can lead to substance abuse.

According to CDC 1 in 5 teens has abused prescription medications and 21 percent of high school seniors have reported using marijuana in the past month. Common drugs adolescents abuse include alcohol, marijuana, over the counter and prescription medication. Although it might be a difficult task to pay attention to every little thing your adolescent is doing, there are some signs that can help you identify if your adolescent is abusing drugs.

Common signs to be cautious of when it comes to adolescent drug abuse are:

• Decline in grades

• Bloodshot eyes

• Laughing for no reason

• Loss of interest in activities

• Poor hygiene

• Diminished personal appearance

• Avoiding eye contact

• Frequent hunger or “munchies”

• Smell of smoke on breath or clothes

• Secretive behavior

• Unusual tiredness

• Missing curfew

When approaching an adolescent regarding suspected drug use or abuse, it is important not to accuse but have an open dialogue about your suspicion. If drug abuse or use is confirmed, the best thing for parents to do is to manage their emotions about their adolescent abusing drugs, get the adolescent some help, and be supportive of the adolescent while going through treatment. If you need assistance, please give Niyyah Counseling PLLC a call at 817-435-2031. We will be happy to assist you and your adolescent on this journey.

How Exercise Can Help Anxiety by Nabiha Hasan, LMSW

The benefits of exercise are far too many for us to count, keep track of, or mention simply in passing. Exercise in relation to mental health, however, is quite simply profound. Along with its impact on heart health, fitness, and reviving energy, a workout has a substantial impact on stress reduction, grounding, and other aspects related to anxiety. See below for some tips on how exercise can help with anxiety in particular.

Grounding. Exercise helps you stay grounded and in the moment. When you workout, it is extremely difficult, if not impossible, to be anxious at the same time, because your body is so engulfed in the increased heart rate, release of positive hormones, and just being there in the present. As therapists, we often provide insight into grounding exercises, and practice them in session so individuals can utilize them on their own and in times of anxiety.

Mindfulness. Exercise is a type of mindfulness - if one focuses on the increased heart rate, change in breathing patterns, and steady bodily movements, the mind will automatically shift gears from anxious thoughts to mindful focusing. Mindfulness is another strategy that is heavily focused on in therapy, in part due to the multiple positive effects it has on anxiety and many other mental health concerns. Anxiety feeds off of circling thoughts, overthinking, and fear; exercise doesn’t allow one’s mind to go in that direction. As mentioned previously, the combination of bodily changes during a workout prevents the mind from scrambling to locate or fixate on thoughts which provoke anxiety.

Physical movement. Some of the physiological symptoms caused by anxiety are stomach pain, weakness in the limbs, and heart palpitations or increased heart rate. While exercising, your body is inevitably involved in physical movement - anxiety causes major physical tension otherwise, and the use of physical movement will in turn ease your muscles.

Routine. With regular exercise, one can build up the resilience to feel physically, emotionally, and mentally strong in order to be guarded from anxious feelings. Continuous exercise will repeatedly give the positive effects mentioned, and in turn have an impact on one’s well being. Exercise is extremely beneficial in many cases and instances; for anxiety it is particularly profound. It undoubtedly takes some time to establish and build a habit, maintain it, and bring it to your daily life; the impact and difference it can make on one’s wellbeing, however, is priceless and well worth it.

All in all, a combination of strategies can ease symptoms of anxiety, with exercise being one of them. Anxiety can be treated by lifestyle changes, incorporation of various strategies, medication, and therapy. In therapy, we work to combat your anxious thoughts, challenge them, and help you find nuances in thinking patterns which may be harmful or triggersome. If you feel that you could benefit from therapy due to anxiety that you are experiencing, please feel free to reach out to us at Niyyah Counseling; together, we can work toward helping treat these anxious feelings and orient to a more positive, less stressful, and healthy future.

Responding to People Who Judge Your Choice to Stay Child Free

So you don’t want kids. That’s great! Really that’s wonderful to hear! Not wanting kids is a choice and it is a choice that is valid. There are several reasons why we may choose to not have children. Whether we do not wish to have children for medical, financial, or personal reasons, it is our choice not to have kids. So how do we cope and respond to people in our lives who don’t seem to accept that individual choice of ours?

Understand the individual: It can be an important step to understand not only the individual who does not accept your choice to not have kids, but the relationship between you and them as well. How we respond to a parental figure not accepting our desire to be childfree and a coworker will be and should be very different.

Know your boundaries: At the end of the day, our choices and our reasoning is exactly what it sounds like, ours. You have the right and power to decide what you share, how you share it and who you share it with.

Your no does not have to be a “maybe one day”: This may be easier written than actually done, but part of knowing our own boundaries is knowing yourself and your reasonings. If you truly know that kids are not in your future and that is what you want, then you do not have to downplay that choice to appease others.

The soft redirect: “I don’t have any kids, but one thing that I’m really passionate about is” don’t be afraid to change the subject if you need to, by doing so, we can effectively signal to the other person that while we do not feel comfortable discussing children, we are respectful of their time and conversation.

Don’t be afraid to ask questions: “Well why do you care so much about me having children?” redirecting an unwanted question with another question of your own completely changes the dynamic of the conversation and helps shift you away from either a defensive or a combative position.

Don’t be afraid to say “I don’t know”: Having children is a huge decision, one not to be taken lightly. It is perfectly okay to respond to the question with an “I don’t know”. Now whether this answer just saves us from a long explanation or conversation that we would rather not have or we ultimately do not actually know is not important. What is important is the fact that your reasons are valid and they are yours.

Overall, there are countless reasons individuals decide to live childfree. Medical issues, financial concerns, concerns about the future or concerns that you are simply not ready are all valid reasons to not have children. At Niyyah Counseling, we understand that it can be difficult to answer these questions over and over but we also want you to know that you are not alone. A study from 2018 shows that roughly ⅕ of couples aged 35-39 have decided to not have children. If you or a loved one feels as though they need someone to talk to about the decision to be childfree, schedule an appointment with one of our wonderful counselors today!

The Benefits of Couples' Financial Planning by Connor Cohen, LMSW

Money makes the world go round and it has been said to be the root of all evil. It’s no wonder that money and finances are one of the leading causes of stress and conflict. According to recent data over ⅕ of marriages end in divorce due to financial reasons. Money, whether we like it or not, is a huge part of our life. Whether it’s money for groceries or a new phone, how we make and spend money can have a huge impact on our relationships. So you may be asking yourself, “how do I work towards being financially happy in my relationship?” Well that is where couple’s financial counseling comes in. 

Oftentimes, conflict arises between individuals due to expectations. Conflict is present when expectations do not meet reality. Each individual has their own expectations about how money should be spent. Thus, when either person in the relationship sees that their expectations are not being met, the relationship can experience conflict and hardship. So what are the advantages of financial counseling for couples?

1. It allows for clear understanding of expectations: The strongest way to survive the ups and downs of expectations is an open and honest conversation. By taking time to express your opinions and beliefs around money in an open and honest fashion, we can communicate our expectations in a way that is productive.

2. Priorities can be explored and explained: Imagine a situation where your partner really wants to save up for a new TV but you truly believe that the TV you have is fine. Now imagine at the same time, you really want to save your money for a new couch but your partner believes the couch you currently have is perfectly fine for the time being. In this situation, you each have differing priorities. Both of which could be argued to be about rest, relaxation and self-care. Now without communication, you may view the TV as just another way to spend money on watching football on Sundays, where they view it as a way to better enjoy TV/Movie time with you. Likewise, with the couch, they may view it as an expensive replacement for something that already works, but to you it is about providing better comfort for you and your partner, perhaps even on Sundays for the football season. By being able to fully express our wishes and the thoughts and beliefs behind these wishes, we can begin to understand our partner’s thoughts and feelings around finances a little better. 

3. Couples financial counseling can help you both plan for the future: Like the situation above, future financial planning can be a vital aspect to discuss. Oftentimes couples that struggle are on diverging paths, by working together on future financial planning, you and your partner can examine the paths you each wish to take when it comes to finances. Together you can each take steps forward in directions in which you agree and begin to understand and compromise in areas where you differ. 

Overall,  couples financial planning can be a vital step when it comes to keeping a relationship strong. By taking time to discuss the big things like money and spending, we can begin to take steps forward on a joint path that leads to happiness and prosperity for you and your partner.

Tips for Successful Co-parenting by Nabiha Hasan, LMSW

Parenting is one of the most important, rewarding, and hardest things we as parents will ever have to do. It is sometimes viewed or perceived to be “the mother’s job,” due to societal expectations for mothers to stay at home and do the child-rearing, but the truth is, it takes two to parent, and many mothers present day are actually not stay-at-home moms.. Notwithstanding the single parents, blended families, and other circumstances in which individuals are left to parent, co-parenting is an essential part of raising a child, and is a partnership in essence. Take note of some of these tips for successful co-parenting.

Communicate. Being honest and upfront about your parenting style with your co-parent is potentially the best thing you can do to consider your parenting a partnership. We all come from unique backgrounds and were parented very differently; oftentimes, we may refer back to our own style of being parented when we become parents ourselves. Taking note of wanting to utilize positive discipline instead of time-outs, for example, and communicating that with your co-parent is the first step to ensure that you are both on the same page.

Use alone time. Whether you are raising a toddler, a school aged child, or a teenager, it is important to take advantage of alone time and give yourself a break whenever needed, especially if you tend to be the parent who is physically with the child more often. There should be no guilt involved in needing a break to give yourself some “me time,” take a nap, or even just be alone in silence. Remember that to care for your child efficiently, you must be comfortable in caring for yourself, because only then will you be able to care for your child in the best way possible. For many parents, there seems to be a sense of peace in having some alone time, which can be very helpful even if it’s not extensive. Parenting alone or without proper use of your co-parent can lead to stress, anxiety, and other issues going forward.

“It takes a village to raise a child.” Even if you don’t have a village per se, the least you can do is utilize your co-parent to raise your child; parenting is not easy work, and to those who may not have a co-parent, please do your best to take the help of others whenever possible. Whether that means having your child spend the night at a grandparent’s, having a babysitter come by while you run some errands, or letting your little one play at a friend’s house for a bit, utilizing that break can be extremely beneficial for you.

Know that our staff at Niyyah Counseling are here to help you explore the options related to parenting, co-parenting and seeking your support system if you need assistance in doing so. All of our therapists are highly qualified, and many of them are parents themselves. Nonetheless, we will do our best to guide you in finding some solutions in this world of parenting that can seem overwhelming at times. We are simply a click away.

Why Does Seasonal Depression Happen? by Amanda Young, LCSW

There are four seasons that happen during a year. Some people enjoy spring and fall while others enjoy summer and winter. Then there is this thing that tends to happen with time either springing forward or falling back an hour which throws everyone off.  While these times and seasons can be enjoyable they can also cause people to struggle mentally. A lot of people do not know or understand why they are feeling sad or down during these times, they just know there is a shift in the way they function. The clinical term for this is called seasonal affective disorder (SAD) better known as seasonal depression. 

Seasonal Affective Disorder, (SAD), is depression that gets triggered by a change in seasons, usually when fall starts. This seasonal depression gets worse in the winter before ending in the spring.

There is a milder version such as “winter blues' ' that some people might experience during the colder months or “summer depression” during summer which is less common. However, SAD interrupts your daily functioning and normally last for a few months 

According to the National Institute of Mental Health, about 5% of adults in the United States experience SAD. It tends to start in young adulthood. SAD affects women more than men, though researchers aren’t sure why. About 75% of people who get seasonal affective disorder are women. About 10% to 20% of people in America may get a milder form of the winter blues.

 SAD is more common in younger people and women. SAD is normally experienced by people who also have other mental health disorders such as major depressive disorder, bipolar, anxiety, schizophrenia, ADHD, panic disorder and eating disorders. Also studies have shown that people who live in higher latitude areas and cloudy areas also are prone to experiencing SAD.

Although there are theories that suggest that biological clock change, changes in brain chemical balance, vitamin D deficiency, lack of melatonin, lack of sunlight and negative thoughts are causes of SAD, researchers do not know what exactly causes people to experience SAD. 

SAD is a form of depression so symptoms can mirror those of depressive disorders. Some symptoms of depression just to name a few are sadness, irritability, lack of interest, thoughts of suicide, increase need of sleep, anxiety, etc. If you feel that you or a loved one are experiencing some of the above symptoms, please contact a mental health professional to get help. Niyyah Counseling PLLC has professional therapists who are always open to assisting and supporting you on your journey, Call today 817-435-2031.