So you don’t want kids. That’s great! Really that’s wonderful to hear! Not wanting kids is a choice and it is a choice that is valid. There are several reasons why we may choose to not have children. Whether we do not wish to have children for medical, financial, or personal reasons, it is our choice not to have kids. So how do we cope and respond to people in our lives who don’t seem to accept that individual choice of ours?
Understand the individual: It can be an important step to understand not only the individual who does not accept your choice to not have kids, but the relationship between you and them as well. How we respond to a parental figure not accepting our desire to be childfree and a coworker will be and should be very different.
Know your boundaries: At the end of the day, our choices and our reasoning is exactly what it sounds like, ours. You have the right and power to decide what you share, how you share it and who you share it with.
Your no does not have to be a “maybe one day”: This may be easier written than actually done, but part of knowing our own boundaries is knowing yourself and your reasonings. If you truly know that kids are not in your future and that is what you want, then you do not have to downplay that choice to appease others.
The soft redirect: “I don’t have any kids, but one thing that I’m really passionate about is” don’t be afraid to change the subject if you need to, by doing so, we can effectively signal to the other person that while we do not feel comfortable discussing children, we are respectful of their time and conversation.
Don’t be afraid to ask questions: “Well why do you care so much about me having children?” redirecting an unwanted question with another question of your own completely changes the dynamic of the conversation and helps shift you away from either a defensive or a combative position.
Don’t be afraid to say “I don’t know”: Having children is a huge decision, one not to be taken lightly. It is perfectly okay to respond to the question with an “I don’t know”. Now whether this answer just saves us from a long explanation or conversation that we would rather not have or we ultimately do not actually know is not important. What is important is the fact that your reasons are valid and they are yours.
Overall, there are countless reasons individuals decide to live childfree. Medical issues, financial concerns, concerns about the future or concerns that you are simply not ready are all valid reasons to not have children. At Niyyah Counseling, we understand that it can be difficult to answer these questions over and over but we also want you to know that you are not alone. A study from 2018 shows that roughly ⅕ of couples aged 35-39 have decided to not have children. If you or a loved one feels as though they need someone to talk to about the decision to be childfree, schedule an appointment with one of our wonderful counselors today!