Being a parent comes with ups, downs, and just about everything else in between. Undoubtedly it is the most difficult yet most rewarding job in the world. Nonetheless, each parent has her or his own strengths and weaknesses; oftentimes as parents we are overly critical of mistakes we make when disciplining or communicating with our children. Overthinking these parenting mistakes can lead to guilt, remorse, and catastrophizing - feeling like the worst parent in the world. Take note of the following tips to make peace with parenting mistakes, which are inevitable and a part of life.
Accept. Accepting what happened is the first step to making peace with your parenting mistake. We are not perfect creatures, and being 100% responsible for significantly younger human beings is not an easy task by any means. Making mistakes is part of being a parent, though not the best part, but most definitely a part that we all have to live with as a segment of the parenting package.
Admit. Tell your child that you made a mistake. This is a learning opportunity for you both, and a life lesson on how mistakes are essential to learning. After all, we learn from our mistakes, and our children learn from us first and foremost. Speak to your partner about the mistake you made, and explain that you accept what happened. If you are a single parent, confide in a trusted individual, whether that’s your own parent, friend, therapist, or colleague.
Apologize. There is absolutely nothing wrong with telling your child that you’re sorry. End quote. When we apologize to our children, we are teaching them that we adults are human too, and being on the higher end of the power dynamic should not affect one’s ability or decision to apologize. Your child will feel valued by hearing an apology from you, while simultaneously learning that it is acceptable and encouraged to apologize when you’re wrong. We are walking, talking examples for our children, and we lead them more by practicing, not preaching.
Reflect and learn. Think about the mistake you made, and use it as a learning opportunity. Brainstorm some possible solutions to dealing with the issue in a more positive manner; if you made a mistake in a fit of anger, practice some brief calming strategies you can utilize to avoid making the same mistake again. Some of these calming strategies may consist of: taking deep breaths, counting backwards, or walking away from the situation to avoid escalation.
All in all, parenting mistakes are undeniable, and there is no shame in asking for help in making sense and peace of those mistakes. Remember that you can always count on one of our therapists at Niyyah Counseling to help walk you through your worries, encourage you to make a change, and allow you to voice yourself in a judgement-free zone. Until then, reminisce over the things you cherish as a parent, and allow these things to guide you through the rough times...you will find that your mistakes will serve as a learning experience going forward.