Tips for Successful Co-parenting by Nabiha Hasan, LMSW

Parenting is one of the most important, rewarding, and hardest things we as parents will ever have to do. It is sometimes viewed or perceived to be “the mother’s job,” due to societal expectations for mothers to stay at home and do the child-rearing, but the truth is, it takes two to parent, and many mothers present day are actually not stay-at-home moms.. Notwithstanding the single parents, blended families, and other circumstances in which individuals are left to parent, co-parenting is an essential part of raising a child, and is a partnership in essence. Take note of some of these tips for successful co-parenting.

Communicate. Being honest and upfront about your parenting style with your co-parent is potentially the best thing you can do to consider your parenting a partnership. We all come from unique backgrounds and were parented very differently; oftentimes, we may refer back to our own style of being parented when we become parents ourselves. Taking note of wanting to utilize positive discipline instead of time-outs, for example, and communicating that with your co-parent is the first step to ensure that you are both on the same page.

Use alone time. Whether you are raising a toddler, a school aged child, or a teenager, it is important to take advantage of alone time and give yourself a break whenever needed, especially if you tend to be the parent who is physically with the child more often. There should be no guilt involved in needing a break to give yourself some “me time,” take a nap, or even just be alone in silence. Remember that to care for your child efficiently, you must be comfortable in caring for yourself, because only then will you be able to care for your child in the best way possible. For many parents, there seems to be a sense of peace in having some alone time, which can be very helpful even if it’s not extensive. Parenting alone or without proper use of your co-parent can lead to stress, anxiety, and other issues going forward.

“It takes a village to raise a child.” Even if you don’t have a village per se, the least you can do is utilize your co-parent to raise your child; parenting is not easy work, and to those who may not have a co-parent, please do your best to take the help of others whenever possible. Whether that means having your child spend the night at a grandparent’s, having a babysitter come by while you run some errands, or letting your little one play at a friend’s house for a bit, utilizing that break can be extremely beneficial for you.

Know that our staff at Niyyah Counseling are here to help you explore the options related to parenting, co-parenting and seeking your support system if you need assistance in doing so. All of our therapists are highly qualified, and many of them are parents themselves. Nonetheless, we will do our best to guide you in finding some solutions in this world of parenting that can seem overwhelming at times. We are simply a click away.

Why Does Seasonal Depression Happen? by Amanda Young, LCSW

There are four seasons that happen during a year. Some people enjoy spring and fall while others enjoy summer and winter. Then there is this thing that tends to happen with time either springing forward or falling back an hour which throws everyone off.  While these times and seasons can be enjoyable they can also cause people to struggle mentally. A lot of people do not know or understand why they are feeling sad or down during these times, they just know there is a shift in the way they function. The clinical term for this is called seasonal affective disorder (SAD) better known as seasonal depression. 

Seasonal Affective Disorder, (SAD), is depression that gets triggered by a change in seasons, usually when fall starts. This seasonal depression gets worse in the winter before ending in the spring.

There is a milder version such as “winter blues' ' that some people might experience during the colder months or “summer depression” during summer which is less common. However, SAD interrupts your daily functioning and normally last for a few months 

According to the National Institute of Mental Health, about 5% of adults in the United States experience SAD. It tends to start in young adulthood. SAD affects women more than men, though researchers aren’t sure why. About 75% of people who get seasonal affective disorder are women. About 10% to 20% of people in America may get a milder form of the winter blues.

 SAD is more common in younger people and women. SAD is normally experienced by people who also have other mental health disorders such as major depressive disorder, bipolar, anxiety, schizophrenia, ADHD, panic disorder and eating disorders. Also studies have shown that people who live in higher latitude areas and cloudy areas also are prone to experiencing SAD.

Although there are theories that suggest that biological clock change, changes in brain chemical balance, vitamin D deficiency, lack of melatonin, lack of sunlight and negative thoughts are causes of SAD, researchers do not know what exactly causes people to experience SAD. 

SAD is a form of depression so symptoms can mirror those of depressive disorders. Some symptoms of depression just to name a few are sadness, irritability, lack of interest, thoughts of suicide, increase need of sleep, anxiety, etc. If you feel that you or a loved one are experiencing some of the above symptoms, please contact a mental health professional to get help. Niyyah Counseling PLLC has professional therapists who are always open to assisting and supporting you on your journey, Call today 817-435-2031.

Coping with Anxiety Related to Being Single Around New Years by Nabiha Hasan

The apple dropping in Times Square, the New Year's resolutions, the feeling of the chilly breeze, and seeing couples walk hand in hand can just about make any single person feel anxious about her or his relationship status. The holiday season in general can be triggersome, but somehow the new year can serve as a reminder that one is indeed single. Remembering a few of these tips can help you stay afloat and deal with any anxiety about being single during New Year’s Day.

Be content with being you. Learn to love yourself, and be your biggest cheerleader. Contrary to popular belief, your self worth is not defined by whether or not you are in a relationship. Your self worth is in fact determined by you and only you. You are a whole person and deserve happiness whether or not you are actively in a relationship. Society may not help in the realization of this, but one of the easiest ways to love yourself is to do more of what you enjoy doing. Taking up one of your favorite hobbies, going out to lunch by yourself (yes, that's right!), and taking a long drive while playing your favorite music are all ways for you to enjoy being alone, and not sink into any anxious feelings of being "incomplete."

Put things into perspective. Being single at the start of the new year doesn't necessarily mean that you will be single at the end too, does it? Try to remember the positives of being single, that you may miss out on when you are actually in a relationship. Stay in the present and associate with other single individuals who can relate to your situation and be a support for you during this time. 

Have faith. Whether or not you believe in a higher power doesn't have to influence the simple act of having faith. Keep in mind the hope that there is someone out there for you, on this earth of six billion people, and you will find her or him when the time is right. Remember how our earlier statement of being single on New Year's doesn't mean you will be single forever, and that in itself is a positive statement to try to keep yourself going. 

Practice mindfulness. Mindfulness exercises are extremely powerful in allowing you to experience the moment. Meditation, grounding, body scanning, and so many more options are out there for you to engage in so as to help yourself stay rooted in the present. Going on nature walks, taking note of the smell of your morning coffee, and observing the moon on a starlit night are other ways you can include mindfulness into your routine.  

Remember that our therapists at Niyyah Counseling are always here for you to help walk you through any anxious feelings that you're having. Relationships are an inherent part of life, and essential to human development, and the absence of them can definitely be stressful. Reach out to us with the click of a button, and we will walk you through these anxious thoughts you are experiencing.

How Has COVID Made it Harder for People with Anxiety Disorders? by Connor Cohen, LMSW

A once in a lifetime global pandemic. That is the reality that we are living in. This has made life difficult for everyone but for those of us with anxiety, the challenge of a global pandemic can be especially difficult. 

So what happens when our fears become justified? An anxious brain views the world through thorn covered glasses. Danger is very easy to see, and the world looks like a threat and it will hurt us. An anxious brain says “Don’t go outside”. COVID-19 has taught us in a large part, “Do not go outside”. The anxious brain says “Don’t go see friends and family, they don’t like you”. COVID has taught us “Don’t go see your friends and family, it is not safe”.  Disease and sickness are a scary part of life. Anxiety can make us feel hypersensitive to fear, disease included. 

Whether it is social anxiety or health anxiety, COVID has had a definite impact on individuals that experience anxiety. When it comes to individuals with social anxiety, we typically encourage folks with social anxiety disorder to go out there, get in public, meet people, do things to safely expose themselves in a controlled way,  and due to the state of the world, that's been pretty limited with COVID.

When it comes to health anxiety or individuals with OCD, the behaviors that are commonly recommended to keep the general public safe like washing of hands or sanitizing frequently touched surfaces can be taken to an extreme. The perceived and actualized threat of the pandemic can be a huge form of added stress for individuals coping with anxiety. 

Covid-19 and the subsequent global pandemic add a layer of anxiety to everyday life. COVID-19 essentially reinforces beliefs about isolation. When the world actually presents itself with more danger than “normal” it can be difficult to measure rational and irrational responses. With any anxiety disorder, the behaviors are not always irrational or unfounded in reason. The issue exists as anxiety being a response or over alertness to potential dangers and the actions that some may view as irrational are viewed as protective in nature. But suddenly those with anxiety are thrust  in a situation where a lot of those behaviors are being reinforced. What happens when someone who sees the world as a scary place, wakes up to monsters under the bed and around the corner? 

It is important to remember that all hope is not lost. While the pandemic and COVID-19 have led to an increase in stress across the board, there are things that we can do to help. One tool in our toolbelt is our ability to focus on aspects of life that we can and do have control over. We can control whether we wear a mask. We can choose to get the vaccine, we can choose to exercise and eat healthy. All of these factors within our control can help lessen the stress and anxiety of COVID-19 on individuals with anxiety. 

If you or a loved one are struggling with anxiety, remember to show compassion to others and yourself, the pandemic is difficult to navigate, no matter who you are. If your anxiety truly feels out of control, reach out to Niyyah Counseling to schedule a session with one of our amazing therapists. 

Tips for Parenting Adult Children by Amanda Young

Parenting is one of the most important jobs we will have as a human being. We wear that title with honor not knowing that parenting can be rewarding yet challenging. Parenting goes through different phases but I have heard adolescent years are the most challenging. I would beg to differ. Being a mom three times with different ages, I would say every stage has its challenges but parenting an adult child is the most challenging. Now you don’t necessarily have to agree with my experience but I think you would be able to identify with some of the things I mention next.

The skill of parenting is something that constantly changes depending on the age of the child and what the child needs. When it comes to parenting adult children, it can be like walking a land mine. One wrong move or response can blow up everything. The way we parent our adult children determines the quality of the relationship we will have with them moving forward. Yes, I know! You are the parent and they are the child but would you rather have someone who respects you and likes being around you or someone that doesn’t want to be around and resent you?

Knowing your boundaries and respecting them as adults goes a long way. Trusting the values, morals and lessons that you instilled in them, loving them unconditionally even in times they don’t make the right decision, shows them that you see them as an adult. So in other words, letting go so they can soar will be the right thing to do. Below are some tips to keep in mind when it comes to an adult child. 

1. Recognize and respect your differences

2. Share wisdom and insight. Be cautious of how you share information. If you are critical of them, it can damage the communication between you all. 

3. Set boundaries

4. Spend quality time with each other doing the things that you all enjoy doing.

5. Respect their relationships with their spouses or partner

6. Do not provide unsolicited advice. If they didn’t ask, don’t give.

7. Have meetings with them and family check ins

8. Keep communication lines open and learn to listen without responding to everything they say. Know your triggers. Know when to hold and when to fold. 

If you keep these tips in mind, then you will notice that you have an adult child that you respect and love. One thing that is true is that we are not always going to agree with what they do or say but we can give them room to grow. If we impede on their growth, then they could never reach their full potential and you could push them away.

How Physical Movement Can Help Anxiety

Movement is good for the body. Exercise can reduce the likelihood of cardiovascular events, it can help us maintain a healthy weight and metabolism and it can even be a protective factor against various forms of disease. Movement is also great for anxiety too! This goes to show just how connected our mental and physical health are. 

So now you may be wondering at what point do I tell you that stretching or walking will cure your anxiety. Well it’s not quite that simple but walking and staying active can do wonders for anxiety. Imagine one of those wind up car toys, where you pull back on the car and let it go and then boom it’s racing along the floor or table. Well anxiety can be a bit like that. Our anxious thoughts can build up and we can often find ourselves ruminating on them. So when our mind is left to run free like the car on the floor or table, we can often feel out of control and overwhelmed. 

So this is the part where you’re probably asking yourself “okay but how does turning myself into a puddle of sweat help?” Well, again you don’t necessarily need to sweat and be hitting new personal records in the gym to reduce your anxiety through exercise and movement. Think of it this way, our bodies and our minds run on energy. So rather than spinning our wheels on the floor or table, we can take that same energy and spend it on movement. Exercise and movement can also help anxiety by reducing body tension. If you struggle with anxiety, how often have you found yourself feeling really tense and on edge? Maybe you notice your shoulders tensing up or you feel your fight or flight response activated. By listening to our body and letting out that energy, we can reduce the anxiety symptoms.  

According to Harvard Health “Exercise activates frontal regions of the brain responsible for executive function, which helps control the amygdala, our reacting system to real or imagined threats to our survival.” (Harvard Health, 2019). Basically this means by taxing our brain in other ways, our brain can focus less on the parts that lead to anxiety and fear. Overall, our bodies and mind are more connected than we often realize or give ourselves credit for. So next time you notice yourself feeling anxious or on edge, maybe breaking out a dance or two or going for a jog might be just what you need. If you or a loved one struggles with anxiety, our wonderful therapists here at Niyyah Counseling are here to help! We understand that the mind and body are connected and while we won’t make you run laps, we can help with various aspects of your mental health in ways that shift your perspective on anxiety. 

Racial Trauma: Signs Symptoms and Ways to Combat It by Amanda Young, LCSW

Racial trauma is the emotional and physical symptoms that BIPOC (Black, Indigenous, and People of Color), including the span of all ages, experience due to the microaggressions and racism that they experience in a variety of contexts in a span of a lifetime. Microaggressions are brief and commonplace daily verbal, behavioral and environmental indignities, whether intentional or unintentional, that communicate hostile, derogatory, or negative racial slights and insults to the target person or group” (Sue, Capodilupo, Torino, Bucceri, Holder, Nadal, et al., 2007, p. 273). Racism is defined as when someone is treated unfairly due to the basis of their skin or background, a form of discrimination. Everyday children of color are subject to traumatic events whether it is directly or indirectly. These events unfortunately happen more often than not and have a negative impact on the recipients’ mental health. Children of color witness mistreatment and differences that start as early as school age but are conditioned to not say anything out of fear of being hurt emotionally and physically. So youth of color are forced to carry this weight on their shoulders and walk through this world suppressing everything that is going on with them which leads to trauma that is accumulated over the course of their lives. Racial trauma can have lasting effects and can be life altering for youth of color.  

According to SAMHSA’s 2018 National Survey on Drug Use and Health ,despite rates being less than the overall U.S. population, major depressive episodes increased from 9 percent-10.3 percent in Black and African American youth ages 12-17, 6.1 percent to 9.4 percent in young adults 18-25, and 5.7 percent to 6.3 percent in the 26-49 age range between 2015 and 2018. The prevalence among Blacks and African Americans are less likely than white people to die from suicide at all ages. However, Black and African American teenagers are more likely to attempt suicide than White teenagers (9.8 percent v. 6.1 percent).  Due to the racial disparities in healthcare, stigma in the communities in which children of color live and the strong distrust of the majority, lack of professionals in different helping fields are some of the reasons that prevent children of color from seeking help. 

So what does it take to start the process of changing how we address children of color? First by recognizing the signs of racial trauma. Some signs of racial trauma are: ongoing emotional distress, including episodes of fear, anger, sadness, and irritability without any apparent cause, a tendency to put themselves down or assume their worth is lower than their peers, increased levels of generalized anxiety, trouble concentrating on tasks, withdrawing from social situations or having social anxiety, hypervigilance that includes jumpiness, restlessness, and heightened sensitivity to their surroundings, avoiding specific places or activities, such as school and after-school sports or clubs, difficulty accepting or following their cultural customs in public, lower self-esteem, physical symptoms, including aches and pains, appetite changes, and insomnia or other sleep problems as well as PTSD.

Although we are not able to undo the harm that has been done, we do not have to be a part of the problem. It is not enough to “not be racist”, it is vital to become Anti-racist. We can take steps to ensure that children of color are protected from continuous trauma. We can take steps of combating racial trauma by educating ourselves on children of color experiences, identifying our isms and privilege, cultivating a safe, warm, empathetic environment to communicate, validating their feelings, recognizing disparities, being genuine and seeing children of color can be the start of combating racial trauma.

Tips for Handling Family Members Who Don't Understand Your "Unconventional" Wedding or Home Ideals by Nabiha Hasan, LMSW

Weddings represent times of love, commitment, and happiness. Our wedding day is often something that we (particularly as females) dream of and think about  since childhood. Additionally, having an extravagant or large wedding may be admired in society across varying cultures. This, however, can instigate disagreements, fights, and arguments amongst family members who don’t see eye-to-eye with your ideals…whether that mean the size or grandeur of your wedding, the way you raise your children, or the style of your home. Read ahead for some tips to handle these types of family members. 

You do you. At the end of the day, you are in control of the decisions you make. For individuals who are people pleasers, this is a very difficult concept to grasp. Having family members who disagree with your decisions or way of life can be extremely frustrating, but being cognizant of the fact that this is what you have decided for your life, and this decision has been made in the best interest of your family will help in coming to terms with acknowledging that this won’t change. Family members may be tumultuous for a variety of reasons, but the lack of inclusion of their part or the act of not taking their advice into consideration can be two reasons for their misunderstanding.

Explain, but stand firm. Being firm on your decision to stick to your “unconventional” wedding or home ideals will make others realize that your decision is final and won’t be changed. As someone who had a very unconventional wedding, due to having a couple of broken engagements in the past, I speak from personal experience when I give the tips mentioned in this article. Explaining won’t always help, rather it may make things worse; you will, however, be confident in knowing that you did your best to make your family members understand, and their reaction is not in your control. 

Remember the ones who matter. The ones who really understand your situation, decision, and unconventional ideals will stick around and not make you feel ostracized. Think about it: are family members who  make you feel inferior, have you re-considering your decision, and blaming or trashing you really worth it? Nope. Their acts come from a place of selfishness and inability to empathize with you. As someone who lost family members that were once inseparable to me due to having an unconventional wedding, I learned the hard way that those people are not worth losing my mental health and well-being over. I can also say with confidence that I wouldn’t change a single thing; my experience has helped me realize which individuals in my life will understand, and which are there to offer criticism and nothing else.

Family stressors can lead to a multitude of mental health concerns; if you feel that you are being affected adversely by those who are supposed to care for you and support your decisions, feel free to reach us at Niyyah Counseling by call, text, email, or any of our social media pages. Acceptance and moving on from a situation like this can be extremely helpful…know that our highly qualified team at Niyyah Counseling is here to help.

What Does High Functioning Anxiety Look Like? by Connor Cohen, LMSW

Anxiety is not one size fits all. Life is often seen in black and white and yet we exist within the areas of grey. Anxiety is no different. While anxiety is far from rare and it is actually more common than we might initially realize, not everyone’s anxiety looks exactly the same. Anxiety exists on a spectrum. Anxiety can range from debilitating and near impossible to function with to high functioning and hardly even noticeable if at all able to be seen. It can also vary day to day and situation to situation. Individuals may only experience anxiety in social settings and be perfectly fine in other common panic inducing scenarios. It all just depends on the person and the situation. 

So what is high anxiety and how do we even know if it’s present? Well, high functioning anxiety is typically the term for anxiety that an individual experiences while still being able to perform their daily tasks and needed duties. High functioning anxiety is part of the reason that anxiety can be both underreported and so prevalent in our society.  On top of that, high functioning anxiety can look different from person to person. For example, someone who is traditionally viewed as a type A personality, may actually be experiencing some level of anxiety.

High functioning anxiety can look like an individual has it all together, the perfect vision of success. While always meeting deadlines and tackling the tasks before you are generally seen as a positive trait, one thing that is often the driver of this success is the fear of failure or the fear of being a disappointment. High functioning anxiety is being afraid to call in sick, people pleasing, over thinking, or even nervous habits like picking at your fingernails or cracking your knuckles.  High functioning anxiety may even look like insomnia and mental or physical fatigue. High functioning anxiety is often seen as individuals who overachieve. This perception fails to take into account the anxiety and struggle often associated with that level of success. 

Individuals with high functioning anxiety often bottle up these emotions, compartmentalizing them in order to “deal with them later” This procrastination is not just something done with their feelings, rather it often comes up in other aspects of their life as well. High functioning anxiety can be procrastinating that project out of a fear or worry or even being frozen in our actions until the last moment when that desire to achieve and the fear of failure and disappointment kicks in and we are forced to achieve in spite of that initial fear. 

If you or a loved one suspect that you struggle with high functioning anxiety, therapy can help!  Our therapists here at Niyyah can help guide you through various ways to cope with anxiety. We can help you navigate the careful journey from the positive aspects of achieving due to anxiety to achieving your goals with reduced anxiety and a greater sense of comfort. Reach out below to one of our amazing therapists today and begin your journey on the way to living more comfortably with anxiety.

Toxic Relationship Habits That Are Often Considered "Normal"

No two relationships are the same, similar to no two individuals being alike, either. Whether it’s learning from our parents, other relationships, books, podcasts, personal experience, or our own partner’s habits, relationship rules are subjective in each relationship, but can definitely be labeled as safe or toxic. There are countless resources out there to help with learning about different aspects of relationships, though we would like to provide a brief introduction to some of the toxic relationship habits that are considered “normal.”

One toxic relationship habit that is often considered “normal,” is control - one of the two dynamics (along with power) that is considered a primary aspect of domestic violence. Control can come in many ways, shapes, or forms. If you feel that your partner constantly needs to know where you are, this could be considered an otherwise normal habit that can actually be toxic - particularly if your partner doesn’t share the same information.

Another way that control is manifested can be by limiting one’s social circle or financial means. A partner who implements toxic relationship habits will not allow you to go out much, may be suspicious of the individuals you are spending time with, and could put limits on how much allowances or spending you have. This can often be covered up by the partner stating he or she would rather spend time with you (as opposed to you going out) or that he or she is trying to “protect” you. Another way that control can be hidden with financial means is by your partner stating that the reason for withholding your money or allowances is to save money. Victimized partners who work may find that they aren’t even able to use their own money for financial necessities. 

Another toxic relationship habit can be the use of power. Power is a bit trickier, as it can be shown in many different ways. A partner who constantly belittles the other partner may do so to prove a point of being stronger, more knowledgeable, financially stable, or to utilize the power as a teaching moment in times of conflict. The victimized partner may feel that he or she deserves to be treated this way, often by that message being ingrained by the abusive partner. A partner who exerts power over the other may use force, coercion, or violence - and often become very apologetic later. This can lead to a vicious cycle and pattern of power, leaving the victimized partner confused and conflicted. The victimized partner may view this behavior as “normal” since the abusive partner shows remorse. 

At Niyyah Counseling, our therapists are highly qualified and experienced in the realm of couples, domestic violence, and relationships. If you feel that some of the behaviors your partner executes are toxic, please take the step to talk these things through - domestic violence is very real and affects a disproportionate amount of individuals on a daily basis. You may also contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at (800) 799-7233.