Toxic Relationship Habits That Are Often Considered "Normal"

No two relationships are the same, similar to no two individuals being alike, either. Whether it’s learning from our parents, other relationships, books, podcasts, personal experience, or our own partner’s habits, relationship rules are subjective in each relationship, but can definitely be labeled as safe or toxic. There are countless resources out there to help with learning about different aspects of relationships, though we would like to provide a brief introduction to some of the toxic relationship habits that are considered “normal.”

One toxic relationship habit that is often considered “normal,” is control - one of the two dynamics (along with power) that is considered a primary aspect of domestic violence. Control can come in many ways, shapes, or forms. If you feel that your partner constantly needs to know where you are, this could be considered an otherwise normal habit that can actually be toxic - particularly if your partner doesn’t share the same information.

Another way that control is manifested can be by limiting one’s social circle or financial means. A partner who implements toxic relationship habits will not allow you to go out much, may be suspicious of the individuals you are spending time with, and could put limits on how much allowances or spending you have. This can often be covered up by the partner stating he or she would rather spend time with you (as opposed to you going out) or that he or she is trying to “protect” you. Another way that control can be hidden with financial means is by your partner stating that the reason for withholding your money or allowances is to save money. Victimized partners who work may find that they aren’t even able to use their own money for financial necessities. 

Another toxic relationship habit can be the use of power. Power is a bit trickier, as it can be shown in many different ways. A partner who constantly belittles the other partner may do so to prove a point of being stronger, more knowledgeable, financially stable, or to utilize the power as a teaching moment in times of conflict. The victimized partner may feel that he or she deserves to be treated this way, often by that message being ingrained by the abusive partner. A partner who exerts power over the other may use force, coercion, or violence - and often become very apologetic later. This can lead to a vicious cycle and pattern of power, leaving the victimized partner confused and conflicted. The victimized partner may view this behavior as “normal” since the abusive partner shows remorse. 

At Niyyah Counseling, our therapists are highly qualified and experienced in the realm of couples, domestic violence, and relationships. If you feel that some of the behaviors your partner executes are toxic, please take the step to talk these things through - domestic violence is very real and affects a disproportionate amount of individuals on a daily basis. You may also contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at (800) 799-7233.