Reconciling a Different In Parenting Styles with Your Partner by Nabiha Hasan, LMSW

Parenting styles are things we pick up from a variety of sources, such as: parenting books, social media posts, podcasts, YouTube videos, and maybe our own parents/family members. When and if we make the decision to start our own families, the realization that it takes two to parent can be one that is eye opening and may have the ability to cause conflicts between partners. Today’s focus is going to be on how to reconcile a difference in parenting styles with your partner/spouse.

Acceptance. First things first…accept that you two are different individuals, who were raised by a different set of parents, who potentially grew up in different parts of the world (as in my situation), and will undoubtedly parent in very different ways. Going into parenthood with the notion that you and your partner will be child rearing in sync is very unrealistic and can be damaging to your relationship. Take the time to meditate if needed, particularly when you are faced with your partner doing a big parenting no-no, and approach it with a grain of salt. With some patience and communication, remember that you will do your best to be able to explain your rationale and method of parenting nonetheless, as well as how you can approach it together.

Communicate. As simple as it sounds, communicating is something that we often may put to the side or not achieve in the best way possible. Obviously, if we’re not communicating with our partner that we feel a need to discuss child rearing procedures and methods, how will we ever come to a resolution? Communicating with your partner that you feel a difference in the way you two parent your kid(s) should definitely be done in a moment of calm, not in a heightened state while your toddler is throwing a full blown tantrum because you peeled her banana and she wanted to do it herself (been there, done that!). Getting your message across is not as simple as it seems, however; you and your partner may come from varying cultural backgrounds, walks of life, and have parents who had very different ways of raising their children. Having a one-on-one conversation of how you would or would not like to tag team in parenting your children should be a very conscious one done at the proper time and in the appropriate situation.

All in all, if you are a single parent relying on family/friends for support, having this conversation with others who assist with childcare and/or child rearing can be a bit more challenging; at the end of the day, it really does take a village to raise a child. Parenting does not come with a handbook, as much as we wish it did, and the decision to have children is one that we as human beings make in very different ways according to a variety of factors, such as: finances, age, and stage of life, among other things. You are welcome to reference to any of our other articles published in the past regarding child rearing and parenting, and are always open to reaching out to any of our therapists for additional support and guidance with parenting, child development, and/or couple’s counseling if you feel that child rearing differences are affecting your relationship with your partner. Remember to use this link to reach out to us and leave your contact information so we can get back to you regarding availability and which therapist would be a good fit. We are a click away!

How is Remote Working Still Affecting Couples? by Connor Cohen, LMSW

The pandemic has been a bit of an ebb and flow. Cases have gone up and down, all while time has marched continually onward. It’s a bit strange to look back and think about how we collectively thought of the pandemic in March of 2020. It was scary and unknown and it began a trend of work from home. At the time we probably thought that it would be anywhere from two weeks to maybe a month or two of this change. And yet as of writing this, it is now March of 2022 and many of us are still at home. 

Working from home has created a lot of new changes and challenges both on a personal and interpersonal level. In the beginning, mainy of our issues may have been revolving around initial cohesion of working and living from home with our loved ones. In the early stages, maybe you had trouble finding a space in your home for you and your significant other to work at the same time. As time has marched on, we have no doubt found ways to adjust but some challenges may still exist and new ones may have even popped up along the way. 

One issue that may be affecting you and your loved one is the issue of scheduling. With work from home comes an adjustment to our schedule.  Not only is it more difficult to discern home time and work time when your workspace is now your living room, but schedules with your loved one may be conflicting and leading to tension and uncomfortability. It can be difficult when one person in a relationship works late into the night, not only does that eat into your time as a couple, but it potentially robs one partner of their space for that scheduled time. For example, if one partner is working late hours after the other partner has finished their work for the day, the partner that is done may just want to relax and enjoy their space at home. Due to the working partner, this person is forced to remain quiet, unseen and out of the space where the working partner conducts work. If not properly discussed and communicated, it can certainly be a frustrating scenario. 

Another issue that may still be arising is the issue of time. We all love our partner but let’s face it, sometimes there can be a feeling of spending too much time with someone. It can happen with family members and it can happen with significant others. We all naturally need our space and our own time to simply be by ourselves. Without the natural separation of work, tensions can build between couples, especially in cases where that couple is missing open and honest communication. To be honest, work is naturally stressful. Often in relationships before the pandemic, our partners did not have to deal with that stress directly, we had time away from our partner to cool down and process events that happened at work. In today’s day and age, we are seeing our partner right when the situation or stress is occurring so naturally, some tempers may flare from time to time. As a loving partner our natural instinct is probably to try and comfort our loved ones in those moments but our partner may be feeling overwhelmed with stress and act frustrated at these attempts to help. 

So what do we do in this work from home life? Step one: communicate, even when it feels difficult. No matter how long we have been with our partner, they can’t read our minds. Step two: Find ways to set boundaries with work and with home. It can be difficult to do but it is completely necessary. One helpful example is to stop talking about work after a certain time you and your partner agree on and try to stick to it. The key is to try to find a balance between letting work time feel like work and letting home still feel like home. 

If you or a loved one are struggling to communicate with the challenges that come from work from home life, don’t be afraid to contact a professional for help. Our therapists here at Niyyah can help you and your loved one find a healthier coexistence with work and home.