Dating can be scary. There's a lot of pressure nowadays to date and hopefully find the right person. We can definitely feel overwhelmed. Anxiety can pop up in the dating scene any number of ways. Maybe we worry if this person sitting across from us at the table likes us, or maybe we worry about saying the wrong thing or not knowing what the right thing is to say. Maybe we are worried about how we look and how this person thinks about us. Or maybe we are worried that we won't find someone, maybe anxiety lives in us in such a way our worry is that all of our friends are coupling up and finding their loved ones, creating families, and moving on in life. Maybe our dating anxiety is about feeling left behind so we feel this immense pressure internally to find someone. Maybe that pressure is external, maybe our anxieties are rooted from family members asking "when are you going to find someone?" "When will you finally settle down?". There can be a lot of different pressures with dating both internal and external. So how do we cope with this anxiety of dating?
I would say that step one is to focus on you. Really look inward and examine what it is you want. What do you want out of a relationship, what do you want out of a partner? Asking yourself key questions can help us figure out which way to go and what exactly we're looking for. Questions like, what is a good partner? What is a healthy relationship?
Step two is simple on paper but often forgotten about. Step two is to remember that you and any person you decide to date are human. With dating and trying to find a wife or a husband or even just a long-term partner, it is easy to get caught up in this idea that we have to be perfect. It's easy to fall into the trap of “I have to be perfect for this person to love me”. When we chase perfection we forget our humanity. To be human is to be imperfect.
Step 3 is also difficult at times. And that's to be open and honest. Open honesty is not only for prospective partners but ourselves. Not only do we owe it to them to be honest, we owe it to ourselves. If you're not clicking with an individual, be honest, if you are intimidated by an upcoming date, again be honest. A lot of anxiety lives in the feeling that we can't let other people see our anxiety, it will scare them away. But by being honest about our feelings, we can gain back a sense of control over our emotions and feelings and ultimately our anxiety.
Overall dating can be scary, it can cause a lot of anxiety. At the end of the day one key thing to remember is that if you want a relationship to work, you're going to want your partner to see the real you. So always remember to be yourself. If you are a loved one struggling with anxiety we are here to help. Your friendly neighborhood therapist can help guide you through these anxieties.