Dating can be scary. There's a lot of pressure nowadays to date and hopefully find the right person. We can definitely feel overwhelmed. Anxiety can pop up in the dating scene any number of ways. Maybe we worry if this person sitting across from us at the table likes us, or maybe we worry about saying the wrong thing or not knowing what the right thing is to say. Maybe we are worried about how we look and how this person thinks about us. Or maybe we are worried that we won't find someone, maybe anxiety lives in us in such a way our worry is that all of our friends are coupling up and finding their loved ones, creating families, and moving on in life. Maybe our dating anxiety is about feeling left behind so we feel this immense pressure internally to find someone. Maybe that pressure is external, maybe our anxieties are rooted from family members asking "when are you going to find someone?" "When will you finally settle down?". There can be a lot of different pressures with dating both internal and external. So how do we cope with this anxiety of dating?

I would say that step one is to focus on you. Really look inward and examine what it is you want. What do you want out of a relationship, what do you want out of a partner? Asking yourself key questions can help us figure out which way to go and what exactly we're looking for. Questions like, what is a good partner? What is a healthy relationship?

Step two is simple on paper but often forgotten about. Step two is to remember that you and any person you decide to date are human. With dating and trying to find a wife or a husband or even just a long-term partner, it is easy to get caught up in this idea that we have to be perfect. It's easy to fall into the trap of “I have to be perfect for this person to love me”. When we chase perfection we forget our humanity. To be human is to be imperfect.

Step 3 is also difficult at times. And that's to be open and honest. Open honesty is not only for prospective partners but ourselves. Not only do we owe it to them to be honest, we owe it to ourselves. If you're not clicking with an individual, be honest, if you are intimidated by an upcoming date, again be honest. A lot of anxiety lives in the feeling that we can't let other people see our anxiety, it will scare them away. But by being honest about our feelings, we can gain back a sense of control over our emotions and feelings and ultimately our anxiety.

Overall dating can be scary, it can cause a lot of anxiety. At the end of the day one key thing to remember is that if you want a relationship to work, you're going to want your partner to see the real you. So always remember to be yourself. If you are a loved one struggling with anxiety we are here to help. Your friendly neighborhood therapist can help guide you through these anxieties.

Let's face it, we've been inside for a while. We've adjusted to a new way of life. We work from home, we live from home, we're home a lot. Home has become our movie theaters, our bars, our favorite five star restaurants, and even at some point bread factories. The pandemic has shown us that we can do a lot at home. Home has become a safe place for many of us. With all this staying home, it's very easy to be less social. Meetups of the past in bookstores or cafes have largely been replaced with the zoom calls and Google meetings. Our social life has become our social media life. Meeting with friends and loved ones behind the screen has been our way of life for a while.

So as things begin to return to normal, it can be scary. We live in a world where we don't really have to pay attention to social cues as much. It was a world of online tests and homework and then you log off. There's a lot naturally to be missed when we are online. We don't really have to care as much about how we look which can be a good thing but I for one am guilty of sweatpants and a fancy shirt. What changes when we go back to normal, I think it's normal to be anxious about that. This is a time when social anxiety will be higher. We got comfortable with a low social battery. We didn't have to consider our place amongst a group of people in an open setting for quite some time. Now the thought of doing that again can definitely feel overwhelming. Anytime were faced with something new or different anxiety is sure to follow. I think it's really normal for us to be a little weary of the changes that are coming. We may even have to relearn social behaviors. The truth of the matter is there is a difference between the occasional going out during the pandemic, sneaking out so to speak for a few breaths of social air, and returning to what we hope is normal life. It's naturally going to be an adjustment and it's okay to be worried about that.

It's okay to not know what to say in group settings or around friends, it's okay to not know what to say when we interact with people who maybe we haven't interacted with in a while. To put it into a metaphor it's almost as if we are all used to the dim light of a candle, and here we are finally opening the door to the outside world. The light is going to be bright, it's going to feel a little overwhelming. We've made friends with the shadows on the wall of the cave, meaning our social life has adapted to survival. We were in this balancing act for years between our need for a social life in staying healthy and safe. There are going to be some rough patches, some awkward moments, probably some feathers getting ruffled. We will most certainly get on each other's nerves as we emerge from this. But that's okay. It's important to remember that these moments happen regardless of what has happened in the world over the past number of years. We've had awkward moments before, we have misspoken, we have played a part in people's reactions and they played a part in ours. Life will go on, it may feel a little different and it may feel a little strange but I think we're all going to be okay. If you or a loved one are struggling with social anxiety as we emerge from the pandemic, our therapists are here to help. We can help guide you through this process and teach new ways to cope. Schedule your session today and begin a journey towards healing.