Can Stress Cause Bad Dreams? By Connor Cohen, LMSW

Anxiety is difficult. It can turn our days into moments of panic, you can turn our nights into tossing and turning worried about tomorrow.  It can wrap our brain in ruminating thoughts, it can have us thinking about the worst case scenario on the worst day at the worst time. Anxiety creates stress and stress creates anxiety. This endless loop can take over our day and make it so that we have a difficult time functioning. You can feel as though our only reprieve from this endless loop is a good night's rest. But does this stress in this anxiety impact us even while we sleep? Does stress cause bad dreams?

Sleep is our body's time to recharge,  it is a time when we rest and recuperate.  Rest is when we heal.  If you sprain your ankle, the best way to heal it is to stay off it.  This means that the best way to heal still at the muscles rest in a way it's to let them sleep.  But just like how we can dream of a bug bite and we wake up and we realize that maybe your arm is being pinched. Our brain and our body are deeply connected.  So what does this mean for stress and dreams? Well, it means that stress in our waking world can create stress in our sleeping world.  Our body uses sleep to process things, to get things in order. If we are stressed during the day, maybe by bills or work assignments or school work,  our brain is going to react to that stress even after we try to sleep.  It is going to try to process that stress.  Almost like a boat in the ocean, stress is the water.  At times it may find a small hole to leak into the boat with,  and other times it may feel like a huge tidal wave feels like it'll knock the boat over.  We spend so much energy and time during the day to move the sails,  adjust our heading,  maybe even row a bit.  But at night our boat is still on the water.  Our brain is still trying to keep us afloat.  In times of stress our brain is less able to rest. The waters are choppy and those bad dreams are the brain's attempt to navigate that choppy water while we're asleep. 

So what do we do about these bad dreams and the stress?  Well, that's where coping skills come in.  That's where relaxation comes in.  Stress is not easy if it was, it probably wouldn't be  stressful.  By doing things during the day that reduce our levels of stress our brain can navigate calmer waters at night.  If you find yourself stressed during the day and impacted by bad dreams, try writing down all of your thoughts before bed. The act of writing them out can help us better organize our thoughts, it also gives us a place to put these thoughts before bed. Meaning that we don't necessarily have to take them to sleep with us. It's almost like writing out our thoughts allows us to put them away for the moment. Put them away for the night and detach from the stress even if it's just for a night.

If you or a loved one are struggling with stress,  know that you are not alone.  Stress unfortunately is one thing that makes us all human.  It can be difficult to navigate stress but our therapists are here to help.  Reach out today and schedule an appointment and maybe you'll find that you sleep a little better tonight. 

Do you have to love parenting 24/7 like in TV and movies? By Amanda Young, LCSW

Absolutely not! Parenting is one of the most important assignments that you will have in your life that will feel like it is not complete. Having someone to choose you and be solely dependent on you until they are of adult age, sometimes longer, can be very challenging.  I believe that we tend to fantasize about parenting and don’t understand how draining it could be emotionally, mentally and physically. Growing up we all might have wondered about being parents due to the influence of our parents or grandparents. Based on our experience or observation of our own parents, might have prompted us to think parenting isn’t too bad.  Due to our parents and grandparents, it seemed like being a parent was like a cake walk right? Being oblivious to the challenges,  not knowing that the assignment is heavily weighted with responsibilities, obstacles, tests and more importantly unconditional love which would evoke every emotion in us. 

 We might believe that being a parent, you have to do everything right and love your job as a parent and kids all the time. Witnessing other parent’s having meltdowns, storming off from their kids or simply not wanting to be bothered is absurd. Thinking to ourselves while watching other parents, saying, “this is what you signed up for and you should not show frustration or tell your kid that you “don’t be like them today” is something we might not understand. Oh I will never do that because I love my kids. But the reality is we are all human and we live in the real world. 

There are different stages of parenting, (commander, coach, counselor and consultant.) we will encounter that and will have you asking yourself. “What was I thinking?” during the most challenging ones. Some of us are able to make it through the stages with minimal challenges while others weather a variety of challenges. These challenges will either make us or break us. There are times that we would like to forget about being a parent, escape the responsibilities and enjoy some alone time but most importantly some quiet time. And guess what, that is ok!

Parenting didn’t come with a definite 100 percent happiness stamp. There are no guarantees while weather the different stages.  There is no cookie cutter way to parent a child because they are different. There is no correct way to brainstorm problems or to problem solve when issues arise.  So to be honest, no it is not ideal or realistic to think that we will love parenting 24/7 and that is ok. We are human and imperfect beings. Just show up and do your best. If you don’t like the task of parenting all the time, that is ok, the world will not end. You are doing great! 

How People With A Disability Can Cope With The Lifting of Mask Mandates by Connor Cohen, LMSW

Life with a disability is hard enough. Whether the disability can be seen or is invisible to others, it can be difficult to navigate life with a disability. It can be even more difficult given the state of the global pandemic. With the state of the world, people have gone from fall risks to high risk. Now there is a new danger outside of your door in a world full of other equally important dangers.

The lifting of mask mandates is a bit like shaking up a snow globe. We spent so many years waiting for each snowflake to fall into place after the chaotic blizzard of 2020. And now that we may finally feel settled, we finally feel safe. Here comes life again to shake up the snow globe. So how do we cope with this change? With this fear?

Well, I think it starts with realizing your role in all of this. The mask mandate said that you were required to wear a mask, not having a mandate doesn't make it illegal to wear a mask. You have just as much right to wear your mask as you do the t-shirt on your body and the shoes on your feet. It is your safety, it is your life, you have a right to protect it. Do what you need to do, do what you want to do. Remember that you can always say no, you can always look out for yourself even if it makes people upset. If you are uncomfortable in social outings, say no. The no doesn't have to be " no and" or " no but" no is a complete sentence. You don't owe anyone an explanation. It is your story to tell, it is your reason to give, not theirs to demand and not theirs to take. If you feel worried or scared or anxious, take some time for yourself, do something you enjoy, turn off the news, have your favorite meal, and take a deep breath. No one would blame you for feeling worried and no one should. This is your journey, this is your life, and the pandemic is a set of uncomfortably difficult chapters in your book. But just as there have been chapters before, there will be chapters after. It can be easy to lose sight of a hopeful future given the state of the world, but hope is out there it may take some work to find it. It may take even more work to hold but it is there.

If you or a loved one are struggling with anxiety or worry around the pandemic in the lifting of mask mandates. We are here to help. Our therapists here can help you cope with worry and teach you how to handle that fear. Schedule your first session with us today.

How to use mindfulness to cope with trauma by Kathleen Chandler, LMSW PMH-C

If you are coping with trauma, mindfulness can help. Establishing a mindfulness practice can slow down reactivity, increase your attention (and connection) to your body, and change the structure of your brain by building more connections and pathways. Eventually, you will have greater emotional regulation and the capacity to better tolerate triggers and life stressors.

It should be mentioned that mindfulness, if not used carefully, can exacerbate trauma symptoms. The following advice is meant to help guide you through a trauma-sensitive mindfulness practice.

Know your Coping Tools

Before you begin practicing mindfulness make sure you know what coping tools soothe you best. Square breathing, tapping, safe-calm place, listening to music, going for a walk, or noticing your five senses? Be ready to do whatever works for you!

Make sure you feel safe.

Find a physical location that feels safe to you and only practice mindfulness with people that you feel safe with.

Stay within your Window of Tolerance

Stay within your ideal emotional zone. Pay attention to your body and your emotions. Make sure you aren’t pushing it! Don’t begin mindfulness if you are already outside of your Window of Tolerance. Stop immediately if you feel you are starting to venture outside the window: racing heart, intense anxiety, dissociation, have blurry vision, start sweating, or feel like you can’t catch your breath.

Apply the Brakes when needed!

Open your eyes, change your posture, take slow deep belly breaths, structure breaks for yourself, make physical contact with your body (touch your legs, tap on your temples), and engage in self soothing.

Remember that mindfulness may look a bit different for you. You may need to practice with your eyes open and stay aware of your surroundings. That is fine! You can use guided meditation if you feel you need to ease into it.

It may be best for you to start with an informal mindfulness practice. That means you bring awareness to daily tasks such as eating, exercising, doing chores, or any other daily action. For example, you could start with brushing your teeth. As you brush, try to bring all your attention, awareness, and senses to the task. What does the handle feel like, what is the texture of the bristles, what sounds do you hear, what does it smell and taste like, etc.

When you have identified your coping tools, have a safe space, know your window of tolerance, and understand how to apply the brakes, you may be ready to begin your mindfulness practice. Here’s how to start:

Take a few moments to center yourself and enter the zone of “just being”.

Begin by drawing your attention to your breath. Feel your body and notice whatever comes up. Allow any thought, emotion, or physical sensation to be exactly as it is.

Just notice. This is not a time to analyze, judge, or solve problems. Just notice whatever comes up.

In the beginning, short sessions are best. 30 seconds to 2 minutes is plenty.

If you find that you would like to explore mindfulness with a professional, therapists at Niyyah Counseling are available to help!

How Social Media Influences War Trauma By Nabiha Hasan, LMSW

Wars, conflicts, and disagreements have been ongoing from the beginning of time. Traumatic experiences resulting from war trauma have impacted a countless number of individuals, whether resulting in temporary symptoms or potentially long-term PTSD. What has changed over time, however, is the presence, influence, and impact of social media through many decades. Social media is a huge influencer of war trauma, and the exploration of the many ways it is impactful will be covered in this article.

Images. Pictures and images on social media are heavily circulated. Regardless of which war the picture was taken from, the heartbreaking truth and reality is that images derived from war zones and disasters resemble each other greatly. There are definitely symbolic images taken from wars in particular which may resemble that specific event, such as the image of the 2-year-old Syrian child’s body which was found ashore after his family tried to flee their country as refugees. The circulation of these images is profound, and once an image is broadcast to social media, it will remain there forever, and even if deleted at some point later on, traces can still be found (through screenshots, comments, etc.). 

Selective coverage. The news is very particular with what it chooses to broadcast. There are numerous wars and conflicts which receive little to no attention, such as the Myanmar conflict, the Sudanese conflict, and the Palestinian-Israeli war, just to name a few. Social media can exacerbate this war trauma due to inhabitants of these countries or individuals of these ethnicities feeling that their experiences are unaccounted for, go unnoticed, or are invalidated. The inevitable biases of the news and journalism industry are very impactful in exacerbating war trauma, due to the lack of coverage of particular wars/conflicts/uprisings.

Multiple voices. The wide range of voices, as well as accessibility to practically anyone and everyone’s opinion, can be very trigger-some for many. With TikToks, Instagram, Snapchat Stories, Facebook Lives, and every other social media outlet in between, people are open and free to give their opinions about anything and everything happening in society. Public voices are not in line with those of everyone in society, inevitably so, and hearing/circulating opinions about one’s stance on wars and current events can be very triggering for someone who feels a particular way about a war, thereby triggering war trauma. Individuals commenting on wars/conflicts often may not have enough information or could be biased in the information they have.

For more information or insight on how social media influences war trauma, please feel free to check out additional blogs on our website. Our team of therapists have wonderful insight and experience working with a variety of populations and in many different realms, and take pride in writing about various, relevant topics to society. If you feel that you have been impacted by war trauma, particularly as a result of social media or otherwise, do reach out to us at Niyyah Counseling to find out more about a therapist who may be the best fit for you; the bridge to wellness is just moments away.

How Low Self-Esteem Ties To Depression By Amanda Young, LCSW

There is not much research out there to identify the correlation between low self esteem and depression but there is a link. The way we think and see ourselves impact our mood as well as our outlook on life. Low self-esteem is characterized by a lack of confidence and feeling badly about oneself. People with low self-esteem often feel unlovable, awkward, unworthy or incompetent. Self esteem is also a core belief about how we view ourselves. Individuals who suffer low self esteem are more prone to negative thoughts, feeling rejected, over-thinkers, hypersensitive, hyper-alert and hyper-vigilant. Low self esteem has us looking for something that is not there and can affect our mood based on our own thoughts about ourselves or what we think others are thinking about us. 

How we view ourselves and the way we feel can impact our mood. If we think negatively about ourselves, not being accepted by others, constantly feeling rejected,  feeling worthless can put us in a bad headspace. Overthinking, making poor decisions that reinforces how we are feeling, listening to our  inner critic and believing things that are not true affects how we feel.  Depression is a mood disorder that causes a persistent feeling of sadness and loss of interest. Depression affects how you feel, think and behave and can lead to a variety of emotional and physical problems. This too is the same for self esteem.

Cognitive distortions about self and others can make you feel bad and lead to a warp sense of identity which can keep you in a low place and mood. These negative thoughts become a cycle which play over and over in your head further reducing your worth and your confidence about yourself. And feeling that others find you no good or the world is too hard can make you feel lonely and overwhelmed, both of which also can contribute to depression. However, with help you can gain tools to overcome negative thoughts, talk about your feelings, stabilize your mood and increase your self esteem.

Below are a few things that you can do to increase self esteem which in turn will reduce depression and increase your mood. 

• Recognize and challenge negative thoughts-Analyze the evidence to confirm or deny your thoughts.

• Practice having grace and self compassion for yourself-everyone is entitled to have some shortcomings but do not allow those things to define you. Learn from them, to be better the next time around,

• Surround yourself with positive people-people who can speak life to you and build on your strengths.

• Avoid comparing yourself to others-when you compare, you are robbed of your happiness. Celebrating your individuality is key to embracing everything you have to offer and more.

• Talk to a professional-Sometimes we don’t or can’t figure out how to pick ourselves back up and that o.k. By talking with a professional who is not judgmental and provides a safe spot is powerful.

• Self care-Taking a break and catering to yourself can start helping you increase your esteem.

Again, the above list is not an exhaustive list. The key is understand why you feel the way you do, your triggers and how to change these thoughts. I believe that once your self esteem increases, then your depression will decrease which will help elevate your mood. At Niyyah Counseling, we have a diverse group of therapists who can meet with you for a 15 min consultation to gain an idea about the issues you are dealing with. Please call us today if you need assistance and one of our therapists will be willing to talk to you, https://www.niyyahcounselingpllc.com/our-team.

Is It Okay to Reevaluate Your Values? By Kathleen Chandler LMSW PMH-C

You can absolutely reevaluate your values, about anything, any time in your life! I recommend you do so regularly. It will help you to assess if you are living your life aligned within your integrity.

In fact, many people have shifted their perspective on values over the past two years. Scores of folks have quit their jobs to find ones that are more flexible and enable them to continue working from home. Others took the time to start new careers, or move to new cities that hold their ideological beliefs. 

Covid-19 highlighted that everyone has their own inner value system! Take the value of Conservation for example. Some people value conserving commitment to tradition and social expectations (remaining to have in-person school, proms, weddings, and work) while others value conserving security, safety, and health ( isolate to protect the community) more. 

Figuring out your values and reevaluating them will help you live your best life. 

So, how do you do that? You start with defining your values.

1) When were you the happiest, proud, satisfied and fulfilled in your life? (What about those times and experiences gave you meaning and purpose?

2) Try to identify 5-10 values.

 3) Rank your values! Ask yourself if you could only be true to one value which one would it be. That one will be your number one value. Continue onward until you have ranked your top 5-10.

4) Reassess. Ask yourself if your current life is in alignment with your values.

 5) Problem Solve: Values can feel too large to grasp and overwhelming. If you identify values that are not in alignment with your life, use SMART goals to develop a plan and get your life on track:

What are SMART goals? Here is an example of how SMART goals can help you create a plan.

S: Specific

Be specific with your goal.

I want to be more compassionate (Identified Value) and understanding as a person.

M: Measurable

Make sure you can measure the achievement of your goal.

I will take The Compassion Scale (CS) to see where I score.

A: Achievable

List how you will achieve the goal. ie what will you do?

I will work on three areas of the test that I score lowest in daily for one month.

1) I will practice deep listening when others talk to me about their troubles.

2) When others feel sad, I will acknowledge their feelings and offer comfort.

3)I will remind myself that despite my differences with others, we all feel the same pain and emotions. 

R: Relevant

How will what you are going to work on help you achieve your goal?

Practicing these three things will help me to be a more compassionate person and make sure I am living my life in alignment with the value of Compassion. 

T: Time-bound

State a time/date when you will have it done.

I will retake The Compassion Scale (CS) in one month to assess my growth.

Remember, you can absolutely reevaluate your values, about anything, any time in your life! If you feel overwhelmed and unsure if you are living life according to your values a therapist at Niyyah can help you. Reach out today for a free 15-minute consultation!

Why Are More Couples Interested In Open Relationships? By Connor Cohen, LMSW

What makes a relationship? Is it someone to come home to at the end of the day? Is it someone we confide in and to trust? Is it someone to spend this grand adventure we call life with? Is it emotional? Is it purely physical? Is it none of these things or is it all of these things? Relationships and our ideas of what a relationship is have changed over the years. In our parents and grandparents generation,  relationships were strictly between those of the opposite sex. A relationship meant marriage between man and woman and it most likely meant the man works while the woman stays home and cooks and cleans and takes care of the home. Today those relational roles have shifted.  We have stay at home dads,  breadwinning wives,  homes with two dads,  homes with two moms.  Some even with a dad, an uncle Joey and an uncle Jesse. Full House references aside, our concept of relationships and family have changed over the years.  This change has become more open and inclusive as it allows us to celebrate more than just one type of relationship.  Open relationships aren't really that new.  While it may be becoming more trendy,  they've existed for quite some time. Marriage was already an established practice by the time civilization was founded in ancient Mesopotamia. But even Hammurabi’s code (a document dating back to around 1760 B.C.E) set forth a strict set of laws in the society, allowed for polygamy or open relationships. 

So what makes them so popular nowadays? Well, there are a few reasons why a couple might choose to explore an open relationship.  First and foremost,  an open relationship allows for the couple to pursue new experiences and interests. It also allows for exciting and different experiences in terms of partners. Some feel as though this gives them the freedom to express different sides of themselves. Some state that an important aspect for many of those in open relationships is the idea that it relieves the pressure of one person to fulfill all of their partner's emotional and physical needs. Another reason that open relationships may be becoming more popular is the fact that not all open relationships have to be the same. One open relationship may look vastly different from another. For example, an open relationship can look like casual dating outside the confines of the primary relationship, for another couple it could look like pursuing romantic relationships outside of their primary relationship, and for a third couple, the openness of the relationship could strictly be based on a physical level. 

Overall, there are many reasons a couple may look to explore an open relationship but it is not something to be done lightly and without caution. It is important that there is a strong line of communication and understanding before opening up a relationship so that it can be successful. If you and your loved one are considering an open relationship and aren't sure where to start. Our therapists can help facilitate that conversation in a healthy and open way. 

The Role of Anxiety in Eating Disorders By Kara N Bradford, BS, LCDC, LMSW

Which came first, the chicken or the egg? The same can be said for anxiety and eating disorders (ED). Numerous studies have shown that in most cases of ED, people developed an anxiety disorder in childhood before onset; additionally, the National Institutes of Health (NIH) reported that as many as 65% of ED cases also met criteria for an anxiety disorder. The most common anxiety disorder that co-exists with ED is obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD), which can create unhealthy and compulsive rituals around eating habits. 

Anxiety may exist with most ED, but may manifest itself differently based on specific behaviors exhibited by different types of ED. Let’s explore this…

Anorexia nervosa (AN) can be described as a pattern of disordered eating that revolves around distorted body image that influences excessive restrictive behaviors that lead to excessive weight loss and inability to gain weight. Recent studies have shown that co-occurring anxiety disorders are highest among the AN population than the general population. Anxiety typically derives from the excessive need to count calories or being hyper-focused on only consuming a certain food or certain type of food. Additionally, AN is often the only known ED by the general population due to the visible signs of excessive weight loss, which can generate anxiety due to feeling more noticed and unable to hide the fact that they are struggling.

Bulimia nervosa (BN) can be described as a cycle of binge eating and purging that revolves around over-evaluation of body weight and shape that is fueled by shame and guilt and breeds in secrecy. Most experts believe that anxiety and BN “go hand-in-hand” due to the excessive need to correct their binges by participating in compensatory behaviors; which include self-induced vomiting, abusing laxatives, excessively exercising, or restricting for two weeks or more after the binge episode. Typically, anxiety is present before a binge episode when someone is hyper-focused on certain parts of their body; then, anxiety typically dissipates and positive emotions emerge during a binge episode (which can last anywhere from a few hours to a few days) due to increased serotonin and dopamine levels from consuming food; finally, anxiety typically returns after a binge episode when the guilt and shame from binging behaviors return, fueling compensatory behaviors, starting the cycle over.

Binge Eating Disorder (BED) can be described as frequent episodes of consuming large amounts of food past the point of satiation due to heightened anxiety being present and using food as a coping mechanism. It is common for people who frequently binge to have almost immediate relief from anxiety symptoms, like BN, due to increased serotonin and dopamine levels from food consumption. Unfortunately, shortly after a binge, people who struggle with BED may experience embarrassment from feeling out of control during their binge, which can fuel shame and guilt, creating increased anxiety, and starting the cycle of their ED all over again.

In general, anxiety disorders can exacerbate symptoms of ED, making treatment more difficult. Due to this fact, it is important to treat the co-occurring disorders at the same time. Persistent monitoring of symptoms for both disorders is important for each clinician to consider as well as keeping themselves informed on updated evidence-based treatment to address symptoms. Our therapists at Niyyah are equipped to address these symptoms and walk with you through managing your presenting symptoms with the ultimate goal of eliminating them. Recovery from your ED is possible, you are not your ED, it does not define you. Reach out today! 

What is Existential Depression? By Kara N Bradford, BS, LCDC, LMSW

When you break down each word within ‘existential depression’, you get: philosophy about the meaning of human existence (existential) and a mental health condition whose symptoms can cause distress in many areas of your life (depression). That is a very broad and basic definition, so let’s break it down further. Have you ever heard of someone going through an existential crisis? This typically happens when someone experiences something that either changes the course of their lives or brings them close to death, which you can imagine, could cause someone to question their purpose or the meaning of life. It is normal as humans to question our existence due to the desire that we have to feel like we have purpose, especially as we move along in the stages of development. Pondering existence and purpose become problematic when the thoughts begin negatively impacting our relationships, our jobs, or our will to continue living.

You may be wondering what could trigger an existential crisis that leads to depression. There is a common misconception that the majority of people who experience existential crisis or existential depression are those in middle adulthood or maturity (age 40+), commonly referred to as “midlife crisis.” Sure, at that point in life, there may be an increased amount of people who become concerned about their purpose in life, what kind of mark they feel they have made on the world, or what the meaning of their life or life in general is; however, existential thoughts can occur at many other important points in development such as high school graduation, choosing a college major, career path, chronic illness, divorce, or loss. At these points in life, we have the freedom to choose, but making those decisions can sometimes seem difficult when the ultimate decision feels life-altering. Experiencing existential thoughts while making these decisions can cause you to feel a great deal of distress, which can lead to developing symptoms of depression. 

The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fifth Edition (DSM-V), does not include existential depression as a condition or as a specifier; however, this does not mean that what you may be feeling is not real. There are many subtypes of depression listed in the DSM-V that exist due to severity and variations in symptoms. While you may experience uncontrollable tearful spells, sadness, lack of motivation, and other common depression symptoms, if you are struggling with existential depression, you may also experience distinct thought patterns surrounding questions about your identity, life, and death. There have been research questions that have eluded to whether or not existential depression is only a part of the grieving process. We know that depression is a stage of grief that typically everyone will experience; however, the depression symptoms usually subside by the end of the grieving process. Researchers tend to agree that if the symptoms are experienced for longer than two weeks, that it is possible you could be suffering from clinical depression. 

Research suggests that existential depression can be treated using the same treatment methods used to treat other common forms of depression. Common treatment usually consists of antidepressant medications in combination with talk therapy such as Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy (CBT), Interpersonal Therapy (IPT), or Solution Focused Therapy (SFT). The therapists at Niyyah Counseling PLLC are trained in these treatment modalities and are experienced in working within interdisciplinary teams (primary care physicians, psychiatrists, etc.) to offer holistic and individualized treatment. We desire to guide you through your road to recovery. Reach out today to schedule an appointment, we have several therapists with immediate availability!