Coping with Relationship Anxiety

Anxiety has a tendency to touch a lot of areas of our lives. Anxiety tends to pop up in school with worry about tests and social friendships. Anxiety can lurk around work with fears of not doing well enough or worry about getting along with co-workers. So is it really any wonder that anxiety can impact our relationships?

Relationship anxiety can exist in many ways. Whether it’s anxiety about forming a relationship, or the start of a relationship or anxiety about continuing a relationship or anxiety experienced in the context of a relationship, many of these feelings are in fact quite common! Some people experience relationship anxiety during the start of a relationship, before they know their partner has an equal interest in them. Or, they might be unsure if they even want a relationship.

But these feelings can also come up in committed, long-term relationships. Most people feel a little insecure about their relationship at some point, especially in the early stages of dating and forming a commitment. This isn’t unusual. 

Relationship anxiety can look like

1. Wondering if you matter to your partner

2. Doubting your partner’s feelings for you

3. Worrying they want to break up

4. Doubting long-term compatibility

5. Sabotaging the relationship

6. Reading too deep into their words and actions

7. Missing out on the good times due to worry

So what do we do if we are experiencing relationship anxiety?

Start with open and honest communication. Anxiety often has us doubting our thoughts, our partner’s thoughts and even their words and actions. One way to combat this is to encourage open communication. Even if our brain doesn’t necessarily believe the communication at first, being open and honest can lead to a reduction in worry over time once our brain trusts that we are safe. 

Another great way to cope with relationship anxiety is practice mindfulness. Being aware of our thoughts and feelings and creating space between those thoughts and our actions can help lessen the control our thoughts have on us. When those impulsive thoughts pop up, try to distract yourself with some deep breathing, a walk or jog, or a quick phone call to a close friend.

Finally another way to combat these relationship anxieties is to contact a therapist. Here at Niyyah, we have a team of wonderful therapists that can help guide you through your relationship anxieties and help you capture that version of yourself that is confident and secure in your relationships. If you or a loved one are struggling with relationship anxiety, reach out to us today! Learn more and connect with us here at our site! https://www.niyyahcounselingpllc.com/contactus 

What Does It Mean to Outgrow a Relationship by Amanda Young, LCSW

Relationships are a wonderful union between individuals who choose to share their worlds. When we find that special someone to build a relationship with, we look to develop a deeper connection. We seem to connect with them for several reasons and we tend to get wrapped up in the bliss of the relationship. In the beginning everything tends to go well and we are stuck to each other's hips. Fun right? We are in love and not paying attention to the red flags that are right in our face. Then BAM!, one day we are feeling like this relationship is stuck in the park gear and not fun anymore. This is when the honeymoon phase has subsided and reality has set in. You might find that you guys are having frequent arguments over things that weren't important at the beginning. You might think to yourself what is going on? After some much needed self reflection and evaluation of your relationship, you come to the conclusion that you are just not connecting anymore. 

We never get in relationships to think that we will outgrow the person we are with but it happens. The tension in the relationship, the tug and war, the depletion can be all signs of the relationship has run its course. So what do we do? Do I stay or do I go? Do we try harder and explore other things? Or do we let each other grow so we can continue to grow as individuals. So many questions to ask yourself but the real question is, what do you think will make you happy? Staying in a dead end relationship where there is no room for growth or moving on? These are all tough questions to ask, especially since you never imagine life without this person. Some signs to look for that would possibly indicate that you have outgrown your partner and the relationship are below.

Signs that you might have outgrown your relationship:

1. You are no longer excited about the relationship-it is more of a dreadful feeling anticipating what will happen today.

2. You no longer challenge each other-might feel that no matter what you do to help the other person grow, it feels like wasted energy, so why bother.

3. You get no fulfillment from the relationship-there is something missing and you seek fulfillment from other sources.

4. The person isn’t the same-things they did in the beginning, they are no longer interested in doing. 

5. There is no connection or passion anymore-it just seems like you are just there. 

Although this is not an exhaustive list of signs, you can normally tell when things have shifted in your relationship. If you find yourself feeling stuck or drained from your relationship, you might want to talk to someone to help you explore the changes. It can be scary to change or you might feel guilty for feeling the way you feel and that is normal. Niyyah Counseling PLLC has therapists who are willing to help without the judgment, just give us a call today.

Coping With the Stress Infertility May Have On Your Relationship by Kathleen Chandler, LMSW, PMH-C

Infertility is a complex life crisis; research correlates it to higher rates of depression and anxiety. It is emotionally stressful, psychologically threatening, economically expensive, and it takes a physical toll. Many people experience shame, and struggle with how to talk about it, with their partner, family, and friends. If you have a partner, remember that each of you are feeling separate emotions, thoughts, wants, and needs. What stresses one partner out, may not stress the other, and vice versa. It is important to prioritize your own wellbeing, in addition to your relationship.

Here are a few tips to help you, and your partner, cope with Infertility:

Find Support

Identify who you can talk to about your infertility journey. Think of family, friends, and colleagues that could help you process the experience. The single most impactful thing you can do for your mental health is acquire social support. Join a support group with other people going through the process; you’ll feel less alone.

Identify your Stressors and Coping Mechanisms

This helps increase your self awareness. Do you have anxiety around injections? Is the two-week wait unbearable? Does the day of your beta testing cause you uncontrollable anxiety? The more aware you are of your triggers, the better you’ll be at anticipating your stressors, and developing coping strategies that work for you.

Reframe Your Thinking and Stop Catastrophizing:

Try to stay aware of your self-talk and challenge unhelpful thinking. If you catch yourself thinking, “I’ll never get pregnant”, stop the thought and replace it with a true statement: “I haven’t been pregnant yet, but I am working with a great Reproductive Endocrinology who will help us make the best treatment decision for our situation”. Instead of hyper-focusing on the worst-case scenarios, remind yourself that you don’t know what the future holds. Try asking yourself the counter question to your worst-case scenarios: “what if I never get to be a mom” might become, “what if it all works out!”. If you’re struggling with anxiety and need some help grounding yourself, check out this article by Connor Cohen, LMSW, on managing anxiety with the 3-3-3 rule!

Root Yourself in the Present

Remember to live right now. Try to prioritize doing things that bring you and your partner joy. Your life doesn’t start when you have a baby, your life is happening now. Do your best to plan meaningful activities and get them on the calendar. Make sure you both have things to look forward to!

Practice Self-Care

Take a break, take a nap, listen to music, take a bath, listen to a guided meditation, belly breathe, go for a walk outside, journal, call a friend, garden, sit by a body of water, color/paint/draw, sit in silence, go for a drive, notice your body, spend time with an animal, put your phone down or pick it up. Whatever you do, be intentional. Ask yourself what you need and do it.

Connect, Connect, Connect

Whether you need a daily 15-minute or a weekly 30-minute talk; schedule a time and duration for a stress-reducing re-connecting conversation that works for your family. When you decide how much time to allot, remember to divide the time in half; that is how much time each partner will have as the speaker and listener, as you’ll switch roles.

The Listener’s job is to:

-Focus on emotion and experience: What are you feeling right now?

-Empathize and Validate: “Of course, you feel sad, Honey. That’s normal, I feel sad too”

-Never minimize your partners experience or emotions!

The listener can ask their partner questions like:

-What was your biggest fear this week?

-What triggers have you had recently?

-What is the most upsetting to you, right now?

The Speaker’s job is to:

-Connect with the partner by naming feelings, sharing emotions and thoughts.

-Receive empathy, comfort, and love.

Therapeutic Interventions:

Psychotherapy, Interpersonal Therapy, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, and Couples Therapy are all evidence-based practices that can help your mental health during infertility. If you are struggling and would like some support, feel free to reach out to one of our therapists! We are just a click away!