What is gaslighting? Gaslighting is a form of emotional and psychological abuse that one person inflicts on another. Over time, gaslighting can cause one to question their own values, beliefs, and perceptions of reality. This leads to the possibility of one to have diminished self-confidence and/or self-esteem, making them completely dependent upon the person that is gaslighting them. The term ‘gaslighting’ was influenced by the movie “Gaslight” released in the 1940s that followed the life of a husband who intentionally isolated and manipulated his wife with the intention of institutionalizing her for his benefit.
What are gaslighting behaviors? Gaslighting is distinctly different from someone expressing their opposing view on something, lying to you, or telling you that you are wrong about something–it is a deliberate attempt to gain control. Some behaviors to look out for would be:
Twist events in a way that shift blame on you
Apathetic to your needs and concerns, painting the picture that you are “too sensitive,” or “crazy.”
Refuse to acknowledge facts, especially from your perspective
Deny your recollection of events or argue that you said or did something that you, in fact, did not say or do.
Verbally convey their mistrust about your beliefs, feelings, behaviors, or state of mind, to others.
People who gaslight are typically trying to preserve their self-fulfilling prophecy and validate themselves. Gaslighters tend to believe that their perception of reality is the only reality and when they can manipulate others to question their own reality, it gives them a feeling of superiority and control over somebody else. These beliefs and behaviors are forms of narcissism and sociopathic tendencies.
Are you a victim of gaslighting? It may be difficult to identify gaslighting behaviors, especially if you have been a victim of them for quite some time. There may be some behaviors that you, yourself, have begun to exhibit. Some signs that you may be experiencing gaslighting are:
The belief that you cannot do anything right or taking blame in situations that didn’t go as planned or as imagined
Loss of self-confidence or lowered self-esteem
Feeling disconnected from who you thought you were
Continuously feeling hopeless, frustrated, or numb
Frequently being preoccupied with making sure that you have done everything correctly
Make decisions to please others above yourself
Isolating yourself from or lying to loved ones to avoid conflict
Participating very little (or not at all) in hobbies or things you enjoy.
Experiencing these things daily over time can have a serious negative impact on your mental health and your ability to trust yourself. The behaviors listed above are red flags that you are experiencing emotional and psychological abuse. Seasoned gaslighters know that they cannot manipulate you 100% of the time, so they will mix in some positive reinforcements and compassionate acts to keep you invested in the relationship.
If you believe you have been a victim of gaslighting, reach out to a friend, a trusted loved one, or a mental health professional for help. There are people who can and who want to help you. Recovery from gaslighting is possible and the team at Niyyah can walk with you through finding peace within. Reach out today!