Co-parenting with someone who has a diagnosis of narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) is nearly impossible; co-parenting involves two parents coming together to make parenting decisions that are in the best interest of their child. Unfortunately, someone with NPD only thinks of their own best interest, so you’ll need to practice something called parallel parenting.
What is Parallel Parenting? It means, as much as possible, you will each parent in your own lane, to reduce the amount of future co-parent decision making. To make this work, you’ll need to do as much pre-planning as possible during the initial agreements of your parenting plan. Think ahead and make sure everything discussed is written into your legal agreements.
Example of things to consider:
· How often will you each have your child?
· What will the schedule be? Holidays?
· What time is drop off and pick up?
· Where will it be located -is a public space best?
· How will you handle sick days and emergencies?
· Who will attend doctor appointments, therapy, haircuts?
· You may need to think of things like clothing and toys. Will the child have two wardrobes? Do they need to come home in what they left in? Will your teenager get to decide what they wear?
The following tips are intended to guide and support your Parallel Parenting journey:
Set and Hold Boundaries
Try to think of this as a wonderful opportunity to be your child’s shining beacon of example for healthy boundary setting. Lucky you!
Document, Document, Document
Make sure all parenting communication is written (Text or Email). This will help you hold boundaries and keep agreements made.
Be your Child’s Advocate
Every child needs at least one stable, predictable, loving adult in their life; and that gets to be you! As much as possible parent with empathy, their other parent won’t be able to nurture them with true empathy.
Practice Self-Care
Make sure that you are taking the time needed to nurture yourself. You will need to have a healthy reserve level to deal with the chaos that comes with co-parenting with someone with NPD. (reword)
If you find yourself in this situation it is important that you have people in your life who understand the complexities of what is going on. Talking to friends and family may be frustrating. No matter how frustrated you feel, it is important that you never engage in triangulation, by venting to your child about their second parent. The best person to talk to is a professional who understands the manipulative tactics they’ll likely continue to use.
Feel free to reach out to any of our team members. We are here to support and guide you!